Chapter 17: Getting Along Swimmingly

Gollum was not immediately forced to contend with Aragorn's thoughts on being presented with a litter of goblins. Eardwulf met him at the front gate and whisked him away to his room to be fed and given bathing water, and to have his bruises tended to. Gollum gratefully accepted these attentions and ended by curling up to sleep in his nice, familiar-smelling bed.

He dreamt of Aragorn leading him on a rope, bound and gagged and seething. Then something odd happened, Aragorn stopped what he was doing and took off the ropes and gag, and crouched down to apologize.

He's getting closer than is wise, thought Gollum. I guess Sméagol will bite off his nose now or something nasty like that.

But instead Gollum whimpered and said: "Thanks ye. I was lost- who would have found me if you hadn’t?” 

That was when he realized he was dreaming. It was a silly dream, and he woke at once with a drowsy whine, and checked his teeth with his tongue to make sure all six were where they belonged. It had been over a century since they had stopped falling out, but he checked every so often anyway.

Aragorn was sitting at the foot of the bed.

Gollum did not respond at first, thinking he was still asleep and Aragorn might start doing something ridiculous any moment. But the silence grew awkward.

"Hello," Gollum said. He did not bother to get out of bed or even sit up.

"Good morning. You look different, these days, when you are sleeping," said Aragorn.

"What does we look like?"

"A hobbit."

"O, does we?" Gollum had been afraid he would say something much ruder than that.

He looked around the room, squinting and frowning- there was some sunlight coming around the window shutter, meaning it was daytime.

"That amount of light hurts you?" Aragorn remarked.

"Yes, but we puts our head under the pillow so we can't see it." He was beginning to suspect he was awake, and Aragorn was really there. "Sméagol did just what he said he would. Found orcs. Helpful Sméagol." He hoped Aragorn agreed that he had been helpful.

"Yes," said Aragorn, "you kept your word, and it sounds as if you were not difficult to travel with, although I should caution you that you will not have two obliging hobbit babysitters on every trip and will have to amuse yourself."

"No, no, they are going home, the hobbits," said Gollum, "no more hobbits." He yawned. "Next time, we must be more careful," he said. "The Men must stay farther away. The orcs smelled Boromir, they came out to see him. Unless- maybe I smelled of Men- the next time I go, I should stay away from Men a few days first, perhaps, or at least not let them touch us."

"Ah," said Aragorn. "You expect to go on more missions?"

"Won't we?" Gollum asked, plucking at the blankets.

"You were injured this time."

"That was a mistake," said Gollum, "we-" He paused, wondering how to explain what exactly he had done. He’d gotten angry and hurled himself at an orc for silly reasons, was what he’d done. "We will not do it again," he said. "O no! We will do just as the Men tells us, only- they did not think there would be orcs, so they did not tell us what to do when we found them, eh?"

"Boromir offered to teach you to use a blade," Aragorn said mildly.

Surely Aragorn did not think Gollum ought to have a sword! But it did not matter. "I cannot," said Gollum.

"That does not surprise me," said Aragorn. "Proper swordsmanship requires one to walk on two legs and use two hands. Boromir thought you might have your own, unconventional method, but it seems not?"

"Can't use swordses."

"Do you think you would be able to stand upright long enough to draw and aim a bow?"

"No."

"Would you be able to move comfortably with a dagger in your hand?"

"O no, might stick ourselfs with it," said Gollum with a shudder.

"Then perhaps you ought not to fight anyone face to face."

"No, no fights. Don't like fights."

"You are fortunate not to have been killed. You've been barely hurt at all... although you don't seem very lively."

"We has a splitting headache, we do."

"I also have a headache- in fact I have four of them, that are now biting everything they can reach."

"Four?"

"Yes. Four baby orcs."

Gollum sat up. "Brought back five. They have not gone and misplaced one, have they?"

"There... were five. I am afraid one did not survive."

"O," said Gollum. He began to weep.

Aragorn sat there and said nothing until he had finished. Then he said: "A few hours ago it suddenly began to have trouble breathing, and shortly after I received word that it had died. There was nothing we could do, and nothing you could have done, from my reckoning. The hobbits did tell me that you were picking them up and dropping them; but none are injured from such treatment."

"No- no, of course not," said Gollum. "That is how their mothers do. Sméagol was gentler, the mothers throw their babies, we only dropped them."

"I see. I am sorry I told you in such an abrupt way. I did not expect you to grieve for the one that was lost."

"Grieve?" Gollum asked, bewildered.

Aragorn said nothing for a moment, and then:  "I should warn you that more might die, I suspect they are a bit like wild animals in the sense that they hide pain and injury from strangers- rather the way you do, or used to, anyway. But at the moment they're all lively enough."

Gollum nodded and looked down at his hands.

"Do you have any advice for the people tending them? As it happens, most of them are the same people looking after you- they volunteered. So they'll be quite willing to listen to you."

"Why, it depends on what they wants advices for," said Gollum, wondering if giving advice sooner would have saved the dead one, and if so, why they hadn't woken him up sooner. Aragorn had said nothing could be done, but that was only what he had been willing to say. "We doesn't know everything, but we will answer their questionses if we can, if they has them."

"Would you walk down the hall with me?"

"Where are we going?"

"To visit the orcs."

Gollum hopped out of bed. When his weight hit the floor it jarred his skull- he squeaked and flopped onto his side. "O! My poor head!"

"I might have cautioned you against rising so suddenly," said Aragorn. "You took quite a blow."

"That is alright," said Gollum with a sniffle, rising onto all fours, "Sméagol deserves it." In his mind he was again hearing the orc-woman talking about her murdered litter.

"Ah. Be that as it may," said Aragorn, "you don't need to go anywhere if you're too badly hurt."

"No, no," he said dismissively.

"Do you want me to carry you?"

"No!" Gollum said with a shudder. He did not like the idea of such closeness with Aragorn.

He went to the door. Aragorn led him down the hall, to a room where a Man was standing and looking into a squeaky basket- he turned when the King entered, to greet him properly, and Gollum realized it was Faelon. Sam and Frodo were there as well. Gollum went right to Frodo, everything else having gone right out of his head.

"Down," said Frodo. "Down, Sméagol."

"Master is here too! And he has brought his Sam," said Gollum.

"Yes," said Frodo. "You were right, it was very silly of me to go around without him. He's made it very clear to me that I'm welcome to wake him up at all hours."

Sam nodded and said: "Why'd you bring a load of little orcs here, Sméagol?"

"They was going to starve and dry up," said Gollum in surprise. He looked from Sam's face, to Frodo's. "That is bad, is it not? We thought the Master would surely think so, when he talked so much about mercy and was so nice to poor Sméagol. They are only babies. They have not even done anything wrong."

"Yes, that is so," said Frodo. "You did this to please me?"

"No, Master, I did not think you would be pesstered about it and find out what I was doing, but Boromir was there. We thought he would want to help the little ones, and he did."

"The little ones, Sméagol?"

"Yes, the little ones, the orcses. They are small."

"Would you have helped them if no one else was there?" Frodo asked.

"...Yes," Gollum said. "Gollum, gollum!" He hoped Frodo would not ask how. If Gollum had been alone, he would not have been able to take care of the whelps, or feed them, and he would probably have helped them in the only other way he could think of, which was to give them a faster and less wretched death than the one facing them.

Wouldn't have eaten them, though, he thought. Buried them, I guess. Or killed them and left them where they were, since they was underground already.

Faelon moved around behind him, and Gollum turned to look up at him. "Why, he is here too!"

"Yes, I've been speaking with the Ringbearer about you," said Faelon.

"How nice, how nice," said Gollum, "about what? About what, precious? Talking about us- about what?"

"Why, there is no cause for alarm," Faelon laughed. "I wanted to hear about your journey. It astounds me to think of the three of you traveling so far on foot."

"And handses," Gollum said.

"And handses!" Faelon agreed.

"Yes, yes, a long way, it was, but there was no way else to get there, and the master said he must go."

"It was important," said Faelon.

"Yes, important, yes. Sam is a gardener," said Gollum. "And you are, also." And yet they seemed so different.

"Yes, that is so! He has been telling me about the plants the hobbits grow. He's offered to send me some seeds."

Gollum didn't find that kind of thing interesting. He stood up, but found that the basket with the orcs in it was too high to see into. He crouched, gathering himself to spring up into it.

"I'll help you, Sméagol, do not worry," said Faelon. "May I pick you up?"

"Of course he may!" That sounded better than trying to jump higher than his own height. He clambered into Faelon's arms and found himself gently lifted and suspended over the basket. The orc-cubs were squirming and whining inside.

"They smells much better!" Gollum exclaimed.

"They've all been bathed," said Faelon. They'd all been dressed up like little dolls, too.

Gollum reached into the basket to poke the orcs. They were so soft and squishy.

"Here, Sméagol, I'm not so sure they like that, from the noises they're making," said Sam.

"They don't mind, they don't mind," said Gollum. "But they do not have anything to chew on."

"Ought they to?" Faelon asked, lifting Gollum a little higher, which was inconvenient as now he could not reach the basket as easily.

"They will chew on each other!" he declared. "They musst have something else if you doesn't want them to bite each others' little earses off. Especially these that are older." He glanced over the litter. The three larger, older ones were all still there and wriggling. One of the younger two must have been the one that had died.

"What do they need to chew on?"

Orc mothers gave their children finger-bones. Usually from Men. That would be out of the question. "Ask Eardwulf what he gives his dogs," said Gollum. He reached back into the basket. One of the little ones started nibbling on his fingers. He withdrew his hand, although the tiny teeth did not hurt him at all. Faelon lifted him even higher. Gollum scrambled up onto his shoulder and blinked at Aragorn, whose face was now much closer than he'd expected. "What else does he want to know?" he asked. Privately he wondered what Eardwulf did give his dogs, and if it was nice soup bones, and if it would be degrading to say he wanted one too.

"Is the basket a good place to keep them?" Faelon asked.

"There's nothing the matter with it," said Gollum. "It is not like the burrow they lived in, but if the room is dark- they should not mind it. If it is dark enough for Sméagol it is dark enough for the babies."

"Do they need more room? They're moving about quite a bit."

"They stays in little burrows that are smaller than this, yes, and that is plenty. They has enough room. If you spreads them out more they will be cold!"

"I see, thank you. They nip constantly," said Faelon. "Are they fearful of us, or in pain?"

"O no," said Gollum. "They don't look bothered at all. They may be hungry, or they may not have anything better to do than bite. If you do not wish them to, the bigger orcses gives them a tap."

"A tap?"

"On the head, yes. Will the babies stay here near Sméagol? Sméagol can come and sees them."

"They will not remain in Gondor," said Aragorn. "Once they're old enough to travel I plan to deliver them to the Elves of the Greenwood. As it happens, Thranduil's folk owe me a favor. They let an important captive escape. Someone who was difficult to find, and more difficult to travel with."

Gollum wondered who he meant for a moment, and then blithely decided he did not care. "The babies are old enough to travel now, if they gets food and the Men are nice to them," he said. "They can go places. They are not fragile, they are not like children of Men that cannot even be dropped."

"That is good to know," said Aragorn. "I'll see about travel arrangements, then. I expect that will take some time. How fast do they grow, dare I ask?"

"These is two weeks older than this one," said Gollum, pointing to the different sizes of orc. "So in two weeks or so, this will be that size, and these will be that much bigger, or more. They has better food now, so they will grow faster."

"Is that so," exclaimed Faelon. "I thought the younger one was merely sickly."

"Hm," said Aragorn, eyeing the whelps. "I'll arrange for their transport as soon as I can."

"Sméagol, you don't seem to want them to leave," said Frodo.

"They will not be happy with Elveses," Gollum fretted. "Elves will give them headaches and smell bad to them, and have foul foods."

"Even as innocent children?" Aragorn asked. "I wish to attempt it. If these orcs can't thrive in Greenwood I will find another home for them later. They can't stay here. I'm willing to indulge you in a great deal, Sméagol, but you may not have four pet orcs in Minas Tirith. You may not even have one pet orc."

"Don't want pets," Gollum complained, leaning into Faelon's shoulder. "But they will not like the Elves. Everything the Elves make will hurt them, and they will choke on their food."

"Perhaps," said Aragorn. "But you are not an orc, Sméagol. Also, you are a grown adult and set in your ways, and I may add, quite stubborn."

Gollum had not been talking about himself, he’d been talking about the orcs. He sighed, which made him cough a little.

"Are you feeling well?" Faelon asked.

"O yes," said Gollum. "Thirsty."

"You'll be able to go back to your room and get a drink in just a minute. First I must ask you," said Aragorn, "how common is it, to find young orcs in these tunnels?"

"Why, that depends, it does."

"I am wondering how many more of these little creatures you will bring me if I send you on more trips of this kind."

Gollum looked at him sideways. "The same number that will starve and die badly if you do not. Sméagol thought the Men cared about such things- they says they do." For the first time he wondered what he would do if the Men told him they did not care about the fate of baby orcs. Kill them himself when he found them, and not tell anyone? That sounded unpleasant.

"Of course I care," said Aragorn firmly. "I do not want to make creatures suffer when they've hurt no one, regardless of their kind, and if you find more I want them brought out as you did with these."

"Then we will, we will!" Gollum squeaked in relief.

"I am just wondering what I am in for."

"I don't know," said Gollum. "I hasn't seen all the tunnels. If the orcs are very hungry they might- gollum! They might- there might not be any little ones left, gollum."

"I see."

Gollum shuddered. Faelon patted his back.

"Bless me," Sam exclaimed suddenly, "you're generous, Mr. Faelon."

Faelon laughed. "What, Sméagol? He weighs hardly anything, and I don't mind him. I've grown rather fond of him." Fond! Gollum thought. He's only being polite, we thinks. "But I'm surprised he's so willing to be in my arms at the moment- he hates the heat and he finds close contact to be too warm."

"We can see everything from up here," said Gollum.

"But I think I should let you go- I fear you becoming overheated." Faelon carefully set him down on the floor.

"You seem to trust him very much, Sméagol," said Frodo.

Gollum shrugged. "He would have hurt us back when we couldn't move if he was going to. He must not want to."

"Of course I don't want to hurt you," said Faelon.

"Excuse me," said Sam, "if you don't mind, sir- I'd like a look at those little orcs. You don't have to pick me up, or anything like that- I can lift down the basket."

"I don't mind assisting you," said Faelon, but Sam had already lifted down the basket and was peering into it.

"Well," he said, "I've never seen an ugly baby, but- these here take some getting used to." He returned the basket to its position.

"They do indeed," said Aragorn.

"We are used to them," said Gollum. "O yes, we have had lots of time." He thought they were sort of nice, especially when they were all dressed up like poppets, but all of that was a matter of opinion, and it did not surprise him that Sam had different opinions.

Frodo was standing off a way. He did not seem to want to look at the young orcs.

"Have you any further questions?" Aragorn asked.

"I don't believe I need to know anything more at the moment," said Faelon. "Shall I walk you back, Sméagol?"

"I would like to walk back with him, if I may," said Frodo. "I thank you for your kindness to him. I'm glad you don't find it a hardship."

"Of course not," exclaimed Faelon.

"Goodbye, goodbye," said Gollum. "Will we do more jobs?"

"How did he handle the trip?" Aragorn asked, turning to Faelon, who look flustered and bowed deeply. "Aside from his injuries."

"He seemed tired," said Faelon, "though not moreso than he is after any outing."

"Good," said Aragorn. "Sméagol, I believe I will call on you when I need a scout, but that will not be until you've healed. Please do not go wandering about in the meantime."

"We won't!" Gollum exclaimed, sitting up straight, much too quickly- his head spun and his stomach lurched, and he quickly took up a submissive position flattened to the floor, looking meekly up at the King. "We knows better, we does."

"Good," said Aragorn. "And if I find more work that is suited for your talents I may call upon you. Of course you will be welcome to decline anything you do not wish to do. I am not keeping you here contingent on your service, but I suspect there are more ways you can make yourself useful if that is what you wish. A rat-catcher is handy now and again, for an example."

"Yes!" Gollum agreed, hardly believing his luck. One day all of the orcs would be gone, at least from the Southlands, but rats would breed forever. "Ratses. We will work nicely, we will, anytime he wants- gollum!"

"Very well," said Aragorn. "If you had not made it clear that you're undecided on whether to remain here in the city, Sméagol, I would think you were delighted to be given a purpose in Minas Tirith."

Gollum fell silent. For a brief moment he had thought his future was certain and likely to be pleasant.

Aragorn sighed. "That is all. You may go now."

Gollum scuttled out of the room, at first so lost in thought that he had forgotten the hobbits were following him. When he became aware of it, this reminded him of leading the hobbits to Mordor; he fell back and said: "You goes first. Our room is just down there, three doors and to the left." He pointed.

"Right, I know where it is," said Sam, walking out in front, with Frodo beside him.

The back of Frodo's neck was bandaged where She had bitten him. But that had been weeks ago! Master is still hurt? Gollum wondered. He had never seen anyone escape from Her before, and he realized he didn't know what the master might be going through. He wished he'd kept walking in front.

They all entered the room together. Gollum crouched on the floor at the hobbits' feet.

"Well," said Frodo, moving about restlessly and looking at the table, "I see you're still practicing your writing... and drawing, too."

Sam stood near Gollum with his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Yes," said Gollum meekly.

"Are these your own rhymes, or are they things you remember?" Frodo asked. He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Some of each, they are."

"Thirty white horses on a red hill," Frodo read off one of the sheets.

"Yes, yes, Baggins told us that one. A long time ago now. It is an old riddle, of course, he did not think of it."

"I'm a little surprised that you wrote it down."

Gollum was a little surprised that Frodo could read his handwriting. "We are writing all riddles, all old tales, things we makes up ourselfs, everything."

"Ah. For practice?"

"Because, Master," said Gollum, wide-eyed, "if we do not- someday we will not be able to- and everything we know will go away! It will be gone. Gone forever." 

"Why, that is true," said Frodo, "and that is why most people write things down if they are very important, so that they will never be gone."

"Yes, yes, that is why. But some things are hard for us... yes, very hard... we are so out of practice." He blinked miserably up at Sam and was trying to get up the nerve to ask him for help with a few certain letters when the hobbit said:

"Right, Sméagol, Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin were saying you were asking about the Shire. Do you want to go there?"

"Us? Sam would not like us to go there."

"Maybe he wouldn't," said Sam, "but I didn't ask what Sam wants, I asked what Sméagol wants."

"Why?"

"Sam and I will be going home fairly soon," said Frodo. "All of us hobbits will. I wanted to find out if perhaps you desired to make the trip alongside us."

"Would you let Sméagol go with you, Master?" he asked, blinking.

"Certainly there would be difficulties if we did. Sam and I have been discussing the matter and we decided that what should be done first was to ask you if you even wanted to come with us in the first place. I know you told my friends that you weren't planning to go there, but I thought there was a chance you might change your mind, or perhaps there was something you would say to me that you weren't willing to say to them."

"We will miss the hobbits," said Gollum.

"Yes, it seemed cruel to leave you here without any others of your kind if it was not by your choice."

"I am not a hobbit," said Gollum. "And your Shire will know it. Monster, they'll call me."

"I hope they would not," said Frodo. "But they will think you look strange and I am afraid they will not be willing to take my word that you are a hobbit, or once were."

"They will all be out in the day. No one out and about at night to talk to Sméagol, and he does not like hobbit-food, or hobbit pipes, or hobbit games." Gollum shook his head. "No. I should not go with you, master." He knew the Shire was far away, too, on the other side of the mountains, and the trip sounded exhausting.

"I understand," said Frodo. "I think perhaps that is for the best. You seem to be doing well here. You look brighter every time I see you and your speech is better, too. You're using 'I' more often."

"Am I? I should. There is only Sméagol. No Precious," he said. "And everyone talks so nice here. Classy. And proper. Even the ones they says is servants or not important people."

"Everyone here is important, I think," said Frodo. "Whether they're called 'Lord' or 'Lady' or not."

Gollum nodded. "It is nice here, Master, nice enough, but I will have to go away somewheres, Aragorn says."

"Did he really say that?" Sam asked. "He's always told us the opposite."

"He told us we would become known if we stays here and we would have to go. I would have to go," he corrected. "So, we must go... I must go."

"He told you you'd have to leave if you became known?" Frodo asked.

"No," said Gollum, now beginning to be impatient because surely Sam and Frodo could figure some of this out for themselves. "He said, if you stays here, Sméagol, people will find out who you are, and if you doesn't want it, you must go away, and if you wants to go away I'll find another place; so another place must be found for us and I don't know where I'll go."

"What does it matter where you go?" Sam asked. "Won't they get to know you somewhere else? Unless you go back into some awful dark hole."

"No. We shall be more careful," Gollum muttered. "More quiet."

"Do you not wish to talk to people now and then?" Frodo asked him. "The self that's coming out of you these days seems to be rather gregarious and I don't think this Sméagol is very happy alone away from anyone."

"No, no, he never was."

“Sam is right,” said Frodo. “You will become known in time unless you’re completely alone, and no one ought to be alone.”

“Sméagol is not any one,” Gollum replied in a childish whine, fiddling his fingers together.

Sam frowned at him. “Here, even you don’t believe that,” he said. "And you just said you weren't happy alone."

"Faelon knows you. He said he was fond of you," Frodo pointed out. "Boromir seems to like you. He knows about what you've done."

Not quite everything, thought Gollum, eyeing Frodo's neck.

"But," sighed Frodo, "I suppose that is your business- I only came to find out if you wanted to come to the Shire, because if you did, I would need to start thinking of how to manage such a thing."

"No," said Gollum, with a final shake of his head. "I ought not to be there." He hopped up onto one of the chairs by the table and leaned over his papers, wondering which ones were on top and which ones Frodo had been looking at.

As he was pawing through the pages, Frodo said: "You did- you did cast it away in the end. No one made you do it."

"You made me do it, Master," said Gollum.

"When? When did I make you?"

"Sméagol promised, he did. That he would keep it from Him." And in the darkness bind them, he thought- words he had not committed to paper, and would not.

"I didn't force you to do what you did. I tried to keep it myself," said Frodo. "I was fighting you off. Do you not know that I have much to be ashamed of too?"

Sam looked alarmed and opened his mouth to speak but Gollum spoke first: "Ashamed? Ashamed of what?"

"I have just told you what."

"Ashamed of keeping the Precious?" Gollum asked. "I don't understand, Master. Everyone seems mad to me, maybe Sméagol is mad; what do you have to be ashamed for? Everyone wanted it. It was made to be wanted. I still wants it. Boromir wanted it. Only Sam didn't want it, maybe he is the one who is mad."

"If I ought not be ashamed because it took me you ought not be ashamed that it took you," said Frodo.

"I- I have never heard anything so stupid," said Gollum, so confused that he was almost afraid. "It did not take you. You did not hurt anyone, you did not even push anyone over and yell in his face like Boromir did. Here is your Sam, he is here, and even nasty Sméagol who took the Precious away from you is here, and where is my Déagol? Where is he? He is gone, he is gone forever!" He burst into passionate sobs, which startled him because a moment ago he hadn't felt like he was going to cry.

"Here, Mr. Frodo, you should listen to him," Sam said. "He's right, sir."

They sat in silence while Gollum finished crying and dabbed his eyes. Then Sam continued:

"Now, Gollum- I mean, Sméagol-"

"Say what you wish," Gollum snarled. "You will anyway."

"Sorry," said Sam. "But- see- it's been making Mr. Frodo awfully upset that everyone thinks he did what you did, you know- throwing that thing in the fire. And he tries to say he only brought it there- 'only' brought it there, Mr. Frodo says, as if it was a small thing!" He shook his head in wonder. "But you don't want to be talked about, so he can't explain it, and no one's ever seen you and half of 'em don't believe you're a real person, so he can't explain it for that reason either, and I think it'd help the master if you'd let us talk about you, and maybe if a few more people saw you, because when we try to tell people about you, it starts to sound like we're making up stories after a while."

"It bothers the master?"

"A bit," said Frodo, with a sigh. "I feel as if I am taking credit for your deed. You did something very important, and something that nearly killed you, because I failed to do it." Sam twitched and looked distressed at the word 'failed'. "You did it because you promised to help me. It seems terribly wrong for me to be lauded for what you did, even if only because other people are making assumptions. It's a matter of my own honor, and has not much to do with who you are or what your history is- so if you are thinking of reminding me of Déagol again, that won't change my mind, I'm afraid. I may as well tell you that many people have reminded me of your past misdeeds when we speak on this subject and it had no effect on me. I was a bit surprised that you're willing to speak of such things yourself."

"Why didn't Aragorn say so? Ach!" Gollum covered his face with his hand. "All he said was that everyone was talking about us, and we felt so silly going up making nice to everyone, and being seen."

"It certainly seems as if you and he do not understand each other very well," said Frodo.

"Why did he say all of that," asked Gollum, "if it was not to punish us and make it so that we would never go out again?"

"I think he found it amusing," said Frodo.

"Laughing at us," said Gollum.

"I did not say that. Sometimes unexpected things are amusing, and I think of all the outcomes Aragorn expected from you going out alone, the least of them all was that you would try to act pleasant. But if you forever assume people dislike you or wish you ill, Sméagol, I am afraid that is going to come true."

Gollum shook his head and looked away.

"I'm fairly certain that Aragorn wanted to convince you to let him introduce you properly to his citizens, rather than trying to run you off," said Frodo. "People are spreading rumors about you-"

"O, what have I done," muttered Gollum, pressing his hand to his forehead.

"Aragorn would be happy to fix it," said Frodo. "He has been trying but it would be so much easier if you would help him. The rumors aren't nasty, mostly, they're..."

"They're strange stuff," said Sam. "There are people thinking you're a dragon! I've been telling them you can't be, because Mr. Bilbo saw off the last dragon, and no mistake about that!"

Gollum swallowed loudly.

Frodo looked him over. "May I tell you a secret? I trust you not to tell anyone."

"Yes, yes, secret," said Gollum. He was fond of secrets but he doubted Frodo was dumb enough to trust him with anything too important.

Frodo leaned in close to him. "I think Aragorn is a bit sad that you don't like him."

That's too bad for him, thought Gollum, but he knew better than to say so.

"Aragorn is a kindly man, and he's often been lonely, and I'm afraid he does not like it when someone does not like him," said Frodo.

"But he thinks we're nasty," said Gollum.

"I think when he sees you trying so hard to better yourself he feels kindly towards you, and he doesn't like hurting anyone- I think he regrets having to hurt you and restrain you, when you met," said Frodo. "At the time, you had earned such treatment, but it is easy to forget that somewhat when you are now so much more agreeable."

Gollum glanced over at Sam.

"No, I haven't forgotten," said Sam, "if that's what you're wondering."

Gollum looked away.

"What I mean," said Frodo, "is that I think Aragorn has been trying to tease you a little, like he would any of his hobbit friends, forgetting that you might not understand it or that he might be making you feel embarrassed. He won't do so again, I think, since you didn't take it well." He paused, and added: "But he may forget. I hope you will not take his words so seriously..."

Gollum didn't think he would ever like Aragorn. He didn't want to like Aragorn. Obviously the Master liked Aragorn and Gollum was also expected to like Aragorn. Life had been easier underground, he thought, and decided he'd just talk about something else.

"If the master wants us to be known," Gollum said, "and even Sam thinks it is not a stupid thing to do, stupid and dangerous, and if the King wants it, and everyone else wants it- Master might tell about us if he wishes, gollum."

"Are you sure?" Frodo asked. "You don't look sure."

"Yes, yes, he may," Gollum whimpered.

"You haven't said exactly why you don't wish the extent to which you helped me to be known," said Frodo.

"It frightens us, it does."

"Why?"

"Why, I do not know," said Gollum, almost scolding.

"If you fear," said Frodo, "you should stay where you are- Aragorn has the resources to guard and protect you."

"I know that Denethor got in at you," said Sam, "but he won't be back and there won't be anyone else."

Gollum nodded, now ready to agree to anything so the conversation would be over.

Frodo moved towards the door. "Well- I thank you for your time. Sam, I think we should go…”

Gollum glanced at the papers on the table. He had started to try to write down that nonsense about oliphaunts Sam had spouted by the Black Gate, since he was, after all, trying to write down every rhyme he knew- or almost every one- regardless of whether they suited his taste. But he couldn't remember that whole thing, as he hadn't really been listening, and he also didn't know how to spell 'oliphaunt'.

If I asks Sam to tell us it again, he'll say 'why do you wants to know' and scrunch up his face, thought Gollum. And he said it was an old tale, or something like that, didn't he? So the hobbits will remember it without us and we needn’t bother. He said nothing, or he thought he did; when he glanced up, he saw the hobbits lingering in the doorway, as if he had asked them to wait. He wondered if he had spoken aloud and not realized it, which did sometimes happen, he was in such a habit of talking to himself. 

"Sméagol," Frodo asked, "you keep finding reasons why you might not stay here, but I have never heard you say you don't want to be here. Is it possible you like it here but you are afraid of disappointment and will not admit you are where you want to be, or allow yourself to believe Aragorn will not cast you out?"

"Maybe," said Gollum, and in the next breath: "No. That's not it."

"Are you sure?" Frodo asked.

Gollum didn't answer.

"It's not wrong for you to want to be here," said Frodo, "and being unwilling to admit it will not make you want it any less, nor will it keep you from being disappointed if things don't work out."

"I have lost everything," said Gollum, "everything I ever had or wanted. I'm tired. I don't want to want anything. I don't want to talk about it any longer."

"I'm sorry to hear it," said Frodo. "I won't press you... goodbye."

The hobbits left. Gollum sat at the table with his face in his hands.

No one had ever removed the mirror from the room and it was still there in the corner, facing the wall. After a minute Gollum turned and frowned at it, drumming his fingers on the table.

Neither Sam nor Frodo had mentioned something that ought to be obvious: Gollum's insane, repulsive ugliness. It had been a long time since anyone had mentioned it at all- he had noticed people often looked alarmed when they saw him, or startled, or depressed, but they didn't look angry or revolted. That was part of what had so emboldened him in the city.

He looked down at his webbed foot. Though useful in the water, on dry land it seemed a uniquely horrible thing.

He got up, shuffled over to the mirror and pulled it around. For a half a second he thought he saw an old, gaunt hobbit reflected in the glass, and he looked over his shoulder to see who was there; when he looked back a small, slimy creature crouched on the floor of his room, blinking its large, pale eyes in confusion, and looking out of place in such a domestic setting.

Gollum realized that he did not know what Men found hideous or beautiful. He could only tell that he did not look very much like a hobbit, and he was thin and pale, and his posture was submissive (though this was mostly due to backache).

Recalling Aragorn's comment about showing his fangs when he smiled, he opened his mouth. His teeth were sharp, but sparse. He doubted a casual observer would realize just how hard he could bite. His jaw was slender and did not look as strong as it really was.

He turned the mirror back around to face the wall. He didn't think he looked like he posed a threat to a grown Man or even a half-grown one. Nor did he think he looked much like an orc. Nor did he think he was at all pleasant to behold, but not appearing to be a threat was useful, at least. He sighed, which made him cough. He was hacking when Faelon entered the room a moment later, which seemed to alarm the Man very much.

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