That Time When Sméagol Joined a Cult

Already, years before, Gollum had beheld her, Sméagol who pried into all dark holes, and in past days he had bowed and worshipped her, and the darkness of her evil will walked through all the ways of his weariness beside him, cutting him off from light and from regret.
- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

In a hole in the ground there lived a Spider.

A great big one too. Gollum had never seen anything of the kind, and he was well traveled. He was one of those who thinks a little more of his accomplishments than he should- which sadly was one of the least objectionable of his vices- but he really had seen more of the world than most of his kind ever did. And at quite a cost.

There were big spiders in Mirkwood, but not like this. This seemed to be something unique and- given its remote location- something secret. It was also not entirely a spider in every respect, but was closer to being a spider than it was to being anything else, and calling it a spider made things easier. 

Gollum watched it at his leisure. He had found a little tunnel high above its burrow, and could look down from above, and enjoy the knowledge that he was safe and could not be seen while he had a good long look at things other people were doing which were none of his business.  I am sorry to say that this was another of the least objectionable of his vices, when it could easily have been the worst part of an ordinary person. It was also one of the few pleasures still afforded to him, and he soon developed a habit of coming by and watching the Spider when he grew weary of exploring the mountains. 

He grew weary often. What he wanted was miles away on the other side of a different set of mountains, and the distance seemed insurmountable. He thought- in his childish, whining mode of thought- that he had been cheated by coming here, and badly treated, and that it was a place he disliked and would not have considered going to if he had not been cheated, and it had taken him out of his way, and now he could not get out. He had gone over these points in his self-talk many times before, and would mutter over them again as he watched the Spider. 

The Spider often did nothing interesting for long stretches at a time and would just sleep. Sometimes, at those times, Gollum would sleep a little too. These caves were so nice and cool and dark, even if they did stink. The Spider's nearness made him feel as if he was not sleeping alone. 

At other times, the Spider would chase Orcs that had come too near, and things were very lively then, and the Orcs never won the game, which seemed to be no worse than what they deserved. At other times the Spider would weave, and as it wove, it would sing.

He had not heard the song at first. At first he had heard only silence while he watched the weaving, which he found mesmerizing. He had always thought the webs of spiders to be cunning little things, so precise and so useful. This Spider wove of darkness, not just silk. When he found the webs left behind in the tunnels they were unbreakable and must simply be left where they were.

They were woven with motions that called up the sense of a world without Sun or Moon, a world without the memories of sunlight on the irises and fishing-boats made of reeds, where there was nothing but hunger and hunting, and malice. What a simple world that would be!

(And yet once as he watched this weaving he had cried out in a thin voice "What a foul, nassty world this is!" He was not certain what he had meant by that but he was almost certain he had not been heard. At least he had never been caught.)

Only long hours of watching the weaving had taught him to hear the song. The Spider sung the same things it wove, but the song was greater and more insistent than the weaving. Hearing the song had made him begin to think this Spider was a she- and then more hearing of it had made him think she was a She. Ordinary spiders didn't sing that way and neither did ordinary people.

The song had a way of getting into his head and continuing to echo there when he didn't want to hear it anymore. Yes, it echoed, and rung back and again within him, and he began to think he, himself, was an echo. Yes, Hers was a great hunger, and a great malice, and a great horror. And his was a little hunger and a little malice and a little horror. 

This preoccupation was annoying when he wanted to sleep.

He had started trying to hum the song to get it out of his head, or to come up with his own song perhaps, but Gollum was strictly a lower-case he and the song of an upper-case She was beyond him. He wasn't good at ordinary singing to begin with (although this did not deter him from trying it when he felt the inclination), and he couldn't puzzle out the tune, and though he knew the song had words he doubted any mortal's ability to know what they were. Gollum had only gotten to the point of chanting 'nice fissh' under his breath; he knew that was not at all the sense of the song. But it was a hungry song and it made him think about being hungry and nice fissh was what he most wanted to eat.

He never considered making himself known to Her. That would be madness.

Mordor was a land of madness.

Madness and Orcs, and mad Orcs. And patrols, so many patrols. Patrols everywhere. There was one down below now, fighting each other in the pass. 

"Always fighting," Gollum said. "Noisy fighters." That was why he felt he could get away with commenting aloud to himself. There was simply no chance his whispers could be heard over all of that.

"Yelling and cursing, ach! If they would save their breath it would be over faster, gollum!" And they were fighting over such foolish reasons- some squabble over liquor or who was to take first watch. 

The smell of blood was in the air, and hunger clawed  at his middle, and the Spider's hunger-song was loud in his head. Gollum made a tuneless attempt at humming it, and drummed his fingers on the rock. Finally at long last there was one lone orcish survivor, stumbling off, ever so slowly, and a field of bodies strewn behind him. Gollum waited endless agonizing minutes for the live Orc to have gone, and then he leapt down from his perch above, wincing as he landed- he had sprained his wrist a little the night before, playing the old game of grabbing an Orc's throat from behind- but he had been driven off by the approach of another Orc before he could eat his prey. There were just so many of them these days.

He could have killed that last Orc standing and had this over with quicker, but he was a little too careful to try it. He thought he had gotten rather skilled at navigating these brutish lands. He also saved himself some effort by finding an Orc-corpse that had already had its armor split open, to expose its tender insides. 

Gollum had spent most of his life hungry, but he was especially hungry at that time, since the Orcs had been getting harder to catch. He was thirsty too, and the Orc's flesh was the first source of moisture he'd found in over a day. He didn't expect more Orcs to turn up for some time since a patrol had just been through. He had had no sleep in days and nights, because there were too many Orcs everywhere and they kept finding his burrows, and he was starting to get scatterminded. Worst of all he believed himself too clever to be caught out at this stage. For all of these reasons he allowed his senses to be overwhelmed by his desperation for food and drink. He did not hear the approach of heavy boots, or clinking mail, or the grumbling curses of two Orcs who did not want to be out in the pass at this hour. He didn't know they were there until one cried out, cursing in shock and disgust. And only then he saw there were two Orcs, staring at him.

Orcs have notoriously unpleasant habits and Gollum wasn't actually doing anything they hadn't seen before and wouldn't be willing to do themselves. He was too small to be very intimidating. Perhaps they were unnerved by his enthusiasm. In any case one of the Orcs immediately lifted his crossbow.

Gollum turned and ran.

But where could he run to? He reached several points where he could turn aside towards one of his hiding-places, and did not turn, for the Orcs would simply follow and find him in a dead end. He couldn't outrun them for long. He had gotten a good head start from sheer terror, and he was more agile than the Orcs, but he was also shorter-limbed, and weary, and limping. They would catch him for sure, and he would never see the Precious again. 

He was not thinking well enough to reason out that the Spider ate Orcs and would likely catch his heavy-footed pursuers before She caught him. I don't know why he went to Her, after all of that time watching from afar. Perhaps it was panic- perhaps it was the song in his head that would not go away. He did go to Her, and he turned directly into Her caves, instead of one of his smaller rabbit-trails that wove around Her chambers. Perhaps he was intending to turn off into a tunnel too narrow for Orcs to fit in, but lost his head and missed his chance.

He found himself hopping over and dodging around and crawling under strands of webbing.

the Orcs were yelling and lagging behind. "Get back 'ere, you foul little scratcher!" one called, and Gollum wondered why people ever tried that- why would he get back there? Whatever for? He himself had never once tried to call back someone he had failed to kill. How absolutely ridiculous!

The other Orc must have been smarter because he shot off the crossbow instead. It grazed Gollum's shoulder. A light wound, but it broke his momentum- and it hurt, of course- he lost his balance and stumbled and rolled on the ground. But in the moment when he thought his pursuers would be upon him, some foul-smelling thing passed over his prone body, towards the Orcs, something as big as the world.

The Orcs were fleeing. 

Run! The dirty things! Now they are the ones who must crawl and flee like hares, thought Gollum, before he realized the obvious: And what will happen when She comes back and finds us here? He got up and limped along- he was not very wounded in his shoulder, but wounded enough not to want to use that arm at the moment and he needed both hands to navigate the rough tunnel. And the other hand was sprained. He'd lost his bearings, also. He would not be able to get away without running into the Spider.

"Filthy Orcs," he said. "O, it is the end of us, my precious!" He had had to run hard on little food and less water and he was growing light-headed even though his head was held quite low.

He stumbled a few feet more, then lay down on the ground and sobbed piteously. When the Spider returned, She seemed quite unaffected.

Neither did She attack. She stood over him with a spider's blank face and more than a spider's nastiness.

"We won't do you any harm," said Gollum in a drunken slur. "No, we can't, can we, only a poor little thing, not good to eat, too thin and starved, and She is so big and so powerful. And so beautiful. Such a beautiful Lady... gollum! Only let us rest. Let us resst." He began to weep again- not from any thought of playing on the Spider's sympathies, which he was sure did not exist; but it was his habit to weep when frightened. "O let us rest!" Then he swooned, and as his faint was not disturbed it softly faded into a long, dark sleep.

Gollum woke up feeling rather more wretched than usual- his wounds had stiffened, he was still hungry and parched and now he had a headache. But he was not beyond noting that he had not expected to be alive, and where there was life there was opportunity, and he had no desire to depart from life however wearying and miserable the whole business may be. He had done too many horrible things in the name of survival to give it up now, and besides he still needed to get the Precious back.

He looked about himself, sniffing the air- which was quite foul- and saying gollum in his throat.

Hard to see, he thought. Something wrong with our eyes. But no. No, it is dark. It is dark, my precious! He laughed dryly, at the thought of himself- Sméagol of the clever eyes- being unable to see in the dark! Indeed, he could see a little. But not as clearly as usual- it was so dark! A special sort of dark. How long had it been since he had been unable to see in the dark- how long since he had had a respite from unchanging vision and endless sight?

Then he noticed the Spider.

She was sitting in exactly the same position that he had last seen Her in, and he knew he'd slept a long time. She had been waiting.

Time to leave, he judged- but then!

"Thy bargain is accepted."

The words came into his head, but Gollum clapped his hands over his ears anyway, and screamed. She took no notice. She waited, unchanging, until he asked:

"Bargain, what bargain? We've never made a bargain with any Spider, no precious! No bargain!" Silly thing that he was, he thought She wanted the Precious, and that was why he was so frightened.

The Spider was unperturbed. "Mortal creature, thou hast asked thrice for leave to rest thyself in My chambers. Thou hast brought Me meat in return. I accept thy bargain, and it will hold. Thou mayest bring Me meat, and in exchange thou wilt have thy rest in My chambers in safety. No Orc nor Man shall trouble thee here. I do not desire thy flesh, for thine own flesh is sour and desiccated. But if thou dost not give unto Me with both hands, thy life will be forfeit and thy head I will dash upon the rocks."

Now it was clear that she did not want the Precious, but something older and bigger was going on than Gollum ought to be dealing with. He screamed again and it was some time before he left off screaming. The Spider did not seem to care.

More sounds came out of him- they were coming up without his leave, like audio vomit. "Yes yes yes good She is, and merciful and beautiful" (and loathsome, his heart screamed in a constrained little corner of him that was rather like a padded cell) "and powerful, and gracious, yes so gracious to an old wretch, gollum, gollum, good Lady, kind Lady, and what a clever sweet singer, o yes! Wonderful song and beautiful voice She has, gollum, and such a smart spinner too, precious, cunning webses She makes, and sweet darkness She sends, and so so good, She is, and so so evil and so good and grand- gollum, gollum, gollum!" He sobbed and spoke blasphemies. "Down with the Eye, long live the Spider! Down with Him! Up with Her! She who lives in His own lands under His nose and eats His soldiers! Gollum! Gollum!"  

Sometime during this babble, the quality of the Spider's malice seemed to shift slightly.

"When thou bringest Me worship," said She, when Gollum had dissolved into wordless sobbing, "thou mayest praise the name of Shelob the Great. If thou desirest rest and refreshment I will require a life in exchange, but when thou comest merely to slink among My chambers and give Me praise thou art permitted to do so without bringing other tribute. And now I have no more to say to thee, wretch. I do not enjoy making speech. Come or go, praise Me with thy bloodless lips or depart. It matters not."

A savvy creature would have drilled down the terms of the bargain, or at least made an attempt- a polite attempt, of course. How many hours of sleep was he permitted in exchange for how many Orcs? Were Men more valuable than Orcs? For there were Men in Mordor as well and Gollum cared just as little for their lives as he did for any life that was not his own- however, they were less easily tricked. What about birds, rodents, insects and the like? Wargs? Did Her food need to be alive when he brought it? Was there anything else Shelob would like to have brought to Her that She would be willing to barter for? Was Gollum allowed to bring in bedding if he wished (he sometimes made slimy nests out of rags or straw and was getting a little too old to enjoy sleeping on bare rock)?

He did not ask, of course, merely stumbled out of Her cave wailing and crying. Long live the Spider, down with the Eye. For one brief, stunning moment he'd forgotten about the Precious. For that brief moment She was his whole world, and Her world was an easier world.

He would find out what the details of the agreement were with trial and error. The length of time he was permitted to stay with Her seemingly had nothing to do with what he brought (so long as it was larger than a rat), and depended on however long She felt like tolerating him that day. When She was done She would simply give him a swat to make him go. She had usually more patience with Gollum if he groveled and flattered, but some days she had no patience at all regardless of what he did or said. She didn't show any reaction if he grew passive-aggressive or snide. She did not care if he was unwell or injured and had a greater need for rest than usual. However, once or twice Gollum was so poorly that he didn't stir himself when swatted, and instead of killing him, She did him the small favor of picking him up and lightly tossing him out of the cave to come back and grovel another day.

(Apparently She had somewhat exaggerated Her willingness to dash his meager brains out against the rocks at a moment's notice- he could not after all bring Her any more food if his head was dashed.)

Shelob, he discovered, cared nothing for any kind of hygiene and that was why Her caves stank so much. Gollum himself had a reputation for foulness that went a little farther than what he deserved, or at least beyond what he wished to deserve. He enjoyed bathing, he was sensitive to odd smells and would lick his hands for hours in an attempt to clean them if they smelled funny. He was what one could call house-broken, kept his quarters clean, and buried messes the way a cat did. If he had no access to water for bathing, that was no fault of his own, and it was difficult to keep one's breath pleasant on a diet of raw meat and fish, and no one who used his hands to walk could keep those hands spotless, and he could not change the odd musty smell that clung to his skin and hair. 

Shelob buried nothing and he never saw her go near water even to drink. He discovered in time that Shelob did not kill him or even strike him if he screamed at her for being filthy and she did not react when he brought nasty things into the cave and left them under Her nose to make a point. She just did not care. This did come with an upside- Gollum was permitted to bring in items that most people would find unwelcome, such as rags that Orcs had died in, or nasty little souvenirs from around Mordor. 

Shelob did not accept offerings of little live things such as rodents, snakes and the like, but Gollum was permitted to take them into Her presence and eat them.

She did not mind.

She took a bit of an interest.

Actually, She seemed to like to watch, which sometimes made Gollum mutter nervously to himself and avoid eating in Her presence unless he really could not find anywhere else to gnaw undisturbed. In other times and moods, it seemed to him that She appreciated what he had done, the hard work of catching what he had- because it was difficult, ratses was quick, and didn't he deserve a little treat? And perhaps there was nothing so bad in it. Did people call cats nasty when they brought in mice? Gollum had to eat to live, didn't he? In those moods he would take his meal and eat it with noisy pleasure right next to Her, and She would stare at him until he decided he was uncomfortable after all.

If he brought her an Orc with a bite missing she swatted him and sent him out to get another.

When he slept near Her he woke feeling unrefreshed but cozily numb, and he did not dream. Unless She sang, which She did, sometimes, when he was sleeping- songs about darkness, killing, and eating, songs without memories or Rings. He had dreams to match. She was not singing to him, of course! It simply struck Her fancy to sing while he was there, although- 

Although-

Although he never overheard Her singing when he was not close enough for Her to know he was there. So sometimes, perhaps, secretly, he may have pretended that She did sing him lullabies. But he knew better- he always knew better. She would not give him anything, not so much as a song. Though She did let him take trinkets or old clothes from the Orcs she consumed, and once or twice he had the sense that he had amused Her by doing it. That it was amusing for Her to watch him pick the few poor rags he wore out of the bones of Orcs that had been someone else's food.

Shelob did not care if Gollum explored or slept in tunnels She owned but was not currently in. Only the royal presence was off-limits without permission. He grew to spend a long time exploring near Her dens. Her tunnels were orc-free for the most part even when She was not near, and sometimes there was vermin to be hunted, things too small for Her taste. 

There was a deadening feeling inside the tunnels. He forgot things. Not about knowing things, but about feeling things. Her single-mindedness spread outside of Herself, just like Her stink did. But this deadening did not entirely extinguish his curiosity, and Gollum began to map out the tunnels in his head- he liked knowing where things were. That was how he discovered that Her chambers were connected to the outside. 

He left Mordor, of course. But he did not leave when he first found the exit- even with the Precious outside, waiting to be found, with Sauron searching for it. He did not leave right away. As for why he did not leave right away, that is a riddle I will leave to you to solve.