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Chapter 13: This Participant Wishes To Remain Anonymous


ATTENTION PLEASE! You are reading the Director's Cut, which is full of expandable author's notes. These author's notes contain UNMARKED SPOILERS. If you've never read this fic before, I strongly recommend reading the uncommented version!
Story BeatsDenethor shows up for one final 'who are you really’ conversation. This is the harshest of the three conversations and makes clear that while Gollum can no longer be Weird Freak Alone forever, he can’t be Normal Guy either, not even Normal Freak, because he also had a huge important part in the War of the Ring and is actually famous oops.

The older woman came in early in the morning to give him some food before he went to sleep for the day, which was normal, but the food did not smell as nice as it normally did. Gollum wondered if something was wrong with him.

"Good morning," he said. "Is it nice weather that she likes? It is too hot for us, but maybe she likes it."

The woman seemed agitated, which made Gollum wonder with a sinking feeling if he was going to be cleaned up to see someone important. "I have brought you some new food, Sméagol."

Author's NoteNooooo! you're supposed to say 'good morning' back!

So that was why it smelled bad. He wasn't dying. That was a relief. But- it smelled bad and he was going to have to eat it. "What is it?" he asked.

She set it on the table. "Dried meat. I have been asked to give it to you because, I am told, you will be going on a trip soon, is that so?"

"Yes. Not a long one."

"You will be away some days, and fresh meat would be difficult to take along."

"I have been on trips before," said Gollum. "Went hunting. Or didn't eat. Went hungry. Very hungry," he said to himself.

"Poor creature," said the woman, which got his attention at once, "they won't be letting you go hungry."

No, they knows what we hunt, thought Gollum, recalling the apprehensive looks Sam had given him every time he had declined the hobbits' disgusting food. As if Sam was worth eating! Although- lest he forget- at the time Gollum had very much thought Sam was worth eating.

He picked at the dried meat. It proved edible, if unpleasant to taste and difficult to chew; it reminded him of carrion that had been sitting under the Yellow Face. It made his mouth feel dry, and that made him cough a little.

"I will tell them they will need to cut it up smaller," said the woman. She looked at the plate as if lamenting the fact that she had nothing to cut the meat smaller with at the moment. It occurred to Gollum that no one who brought him food ever brought eating utensils with it. No- wait- once there had been a knife left on a plate, brought by someone he didn't see often. Gollum had picked up the knife and remarked on it because it was shiny, then put it back down and ignored it until it was taken away with the plate. The person who had brought it had never been back after that.

Author's NoteI see we've found the limits of what Gollum is trusted with.
(Actually, since Gollum's not known to use weapons, they may have been more afraid that he would hurt himself with it. Espeically if he picked it up in a particularly inept way)

"This is small enough if she doesn't mind waiting for us to gnaw at it," said Gollum, eyeing her. "We only has six teeths!"

"I do not mind," she said. She got up and began looking about the room.

"What's her name?" he asked, picking up a bit of meat and shredding it into smaller pieces. She did not at first answer and he repeated: "What's your name? She must have told us, but we- I have forgotten, older than he looks, is Sméagol, he forgets things."

"I do not believe I told you my name," she said. "I did not think you would care to know it."

"Is that it? We does care! It is why we asked!"

"My name is Galil."

"Galil? Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Galil," Gollum said to himself. That was simple enough.

He had now finished his food. "All gone," he said. She hadn't given him much, perhaps because she had not been certain he'd eat it. He poked at the empty plate.

"Ah! They will be pleased that you were able to eat it," said Galil, taking the plate.

"Yes," said Gollum, "but- it wasn't very nice, it wasn't." He looked sadly up at her.

"Traveling food often is not, I am afraid," she said.

"O no, not at all." He fidgeted. Would there be any consequences if he asked for something fresh and tasty? He'd asked for cooked meat once, but that was different, because obviously people wanted him to eat that kind of thing...

"I'll bring you a proper dinner now if you'd like," said Galil.

"O yes, nice lady," Gollum babbled in a flood of relief, "bring something proper, we are hungry!"

"I will be back shortly." She left.

Gollum tried to busy himself with his papers, although he had just made himself tired of all of them by trying to practice letters he found difficult and doing a bad job of them. He didn't want to start thinking about the kinds of things he had used to try to get ahold of when he was hungry- the kinds of things he definitely did not eat anymore. He'd start off wishing he could catch a lovely cool wet fish, a fresh one, catch it himself from the water and eat it, which was fine- but then he'd start thinking about the times goblins had turned up looking for fish and then he'd snuck up behind them and-

He started frantically turning over papers and was occupied in doing so when Galil returned.

Author's NoteGollum's been having these kinds of thoughts all along but they've been causing increasingly more distress. I think they've also gone from 'Gollum realizes this would be socially gauche' to 'Gollum has a moral horror of what he's thinking of doing/has done'

"She's found her way back, has she?" said Gollum.

Author's NoteBut he's taking his inner turmoil out on Galil which is not nice :(

She set down a plate of a few different kinds of meats mixed together- leftovers from something, he assumed, and thankfully all raw. He pulled the plate towards him and turned away from her view.

"I have been asked to inform you that some Men will be by in the day to speak to you," Galil said.

"But we will be asleep, precious."

"I told them so, but they said they would wake you."

"But they never wakes us. It must be important," he said. "Why are they coming, why?"

"They did not tell me."

"Are they angry with us?" He tried to remember if he had done anything nasty lately and hidden it. He tried to take everything out of his pockets before anyone took away his clothes to be cleaned, but maybe he'd left a rat skull and someone didn't like it. That didn't seem likely to be urgent...

"They did not seem angry."

Gollum whimpered, and started medicating his nerves by stuffing his face.

Galil politely walked a few feet away and asked: "However did you feed yourself in the city? You must have starved nearly to death- you can eat a whole chicken in one sitting, thrice a day! And you are still so thin!"

"We ate ratses!" he said quickly, "mice, yes, things like that, things nobody wanted. We found some fissh in the rubbish, but someone came out of the house and asked us to stop digging in it. But it had been thrown away- nobody wanted it!" He looked up and saw that the woman had turned pale.

"You naughty creature," she said, scolding, but shaky, "how could you do such things to yourself when there are a host of people here who will feed and look after you?"

Gollum stammered. "But we didn't hurt anything," he said.

She blinked at him a minute, then hurriedly left the room.

She must think we're nasty, Gollum thought, grumbling to himself. He could not puzzle out what else could have made her so upset about a little bit of digging in garbage. It wasn't even her garbage! 

He ate in silence for a bit, hoping that he could finish before anyone else came in and saw him, but Galil returned after only a few minutes. Her eyes were red.

Maybe she's ill and it's nothing to do with us at all, Gollum thought. "She's back," he said.

"Yes. I apologize. I was taken by surprise. It troubles me very much to think of you going about alone in the city at night, forced to scavenge so, and not able to find your way home. I hope you will not go out on your own again."

"No, no... but we did not hurt anything when we did. Not except for the Men who jumped us," he muttered.

She said nothing for a moment. At last she said: "But you did yourself an injury by having to eat such poor food, and falling into harm's way."

"O?"

"Do you not deserve better?" 

He looked at her sideways. It sounded almost as if what troubled her was not the thought of Gollum at large in the city, lurking somewhere out of sight and stealing people's garbage, but the thought of Sméagol wandering around hungry and lost, and then getting beaten up.

Can that be? She thinks we are some little lost lamb, he thought, how stupid! No one told her how we spent the last few hundredses of years, I guess. For quite unrelated, unknown reasons he had a lump in his throat. He turned away.

"Gollum! No, I don't deserve better," he said dryly. "They did not tell you very much about us. You should jusst be happy that we didn't hurt anything."

He looked down at the floor and wiped the blood off his mouth. She had seen what he ate- what had shocked her so about his doings in the city? But then, raw meat neatly cut up on a plate was not the same thing as a rat with a broken neck.

"What could you possibly have done to deserve such horrors?" she asked.

"We have done enough. But the King did not wish you to know of it. So she must ask the King." He pulled forward the bowl of washing-up water and started scrubbing his face and hands.

"The King wants you to be safe and well-fed. That's why I am here."

"I do not know why he wants these things," said Gollum. "It is not because I deserve it." Actually, it made sense that the King didn't want him to be hungry.

A long silence fell.

"Does she know riddles?" Gollum asked, deciding he wanted the silence to be over, and thinking riddles to be a safe subject.

"I am afraid I do not."

"No? Not any? Even one?"

The woman sat in silence.

"Jusst one riddle? If we can't answer we will give her something," he said.

Galil's hands fidgeted for a moment. "What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the day, and three legs in the evening?" she ventured timidly.

Gollum looked at her a minute. Chestnuts indeed. Bilbo Baggins would never, he thought. "She tried," he said flatly.

She looked a bit upset.

"Very well, very well," Gollum said, "no one else has even tried yet-" and no one else would if he promised bribes and then did not give them- "so we will give her something, only it will not be very nice. She should learn more riddles and come back and maybe we will give her something nicer."

"Have you something to give me, then, Sméagol?"

"We said we did!" He wriggled under the bed.

She would not want any of his dead bugs, he decided. Or the live bugs that were trapped under his drinking cup. Or the rodent bones, however nice he might think they were. He had never met anyone who wanted those things.

He picked over his rock collection and found that he didn't really want to give any of it away. He had a couple of other things he'd found in the dirt that he didn't care about anymore- he picked them up, and looked back at the rocks. If Sméagol doesn't want it it's not a good present, he thought sourly, and picked one rock out of the collection- not the best rock, of course, but also not the worst one.

He shuffled out into the room and placed the three items in front of Galil. "She picks one," he said. "Just one. We found these, yes- no one wanted them, no one knew they were there. Sméagol did not steal!" 

In addition to the rock, he had selected a filthy old coin and a little wooden ball. The latter he had tried batting around and grabbing at, but he couldn't eat a wooden ball no matter how many times he caught it and squeezed it, so he had lost patience with it.

Galil, to his relief, showed no interest in the rock. She picked up the coin.

"It is not shiny," he admitted. "We tried to clean it up." He'd licked it and everything.

"Where did you find this?"

"Digging. We did not see anyone drop it, and it was far down, so no one knows about it. It isn't stolen."

"It's very old. It may be worth money. You ought not to give me this."

"Why not? Will she be in trouble if she has it? It is not stolen!"

"No, but it might be valuable, and it's yours."

"Sméagol doesn't use any moneys," he said. He leaned forward and peered at the date on the coin. "It is old enough to be valuable, is it? Sméagol is older. Is he worth moneys too?"

"You are valuable beyond compare," she said, in much the same tone one would use to speak to a toddler that asked if he was worth money.

"O, of course we are," said Gollum, thinking again that her attitude towards him suggested a substantial misunderstanding of what he was. "She may have it. It is not shiny. Sméagol doesn't want it." He hurriedly took back his rock, and also the wooden ball, which he was beginning to think he might sort of want after all. He put them away under the bed and came back out, going to the table. There was still some food left, but he had eaten the choicest parts already and no longer felt hungry, and he didn't want to have to clean himself up again. "Done," he said. He noted, with an odd sense of satisfaction, that Galil had pocketed the coin.

"You've been eating at the table," she observed.

"Yes." He wondered why that was worthy of remark, then recalled that it was better manners to eat at a table. "It is only because we are already sitting here when the food comes," he said.

Author's Noteoh, a few chapters ago he point blank refused to eat at a table. He's forgotten, but Galil hasn't.

Galil glanced over his notes. They were messy and one lying on top was just a sheet of mis-written letters and frustrated scribbles. It had occurred to Gollum that he would benefit from Sam showing him again the proper ways to write certain things, but he did not dare to ask for Sam.

"Do you require more paper and pencils?" she asked.

"Yes, thanks ye, we're almost run out and Sméagol has to keep writing over what he has already written, and then even he can't read it, precious."

"I will tell someone to bring more." She took the plate. "I thank you for the gift."

"It is no trouble at all, we did not want it!"

"Still, I am grateful. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."


As promised, the Men showed up to wake him some time later. Gollum had been dozing fitfully, knowing someone would come to wake him, and he sat up as soon as the door opened. Eardwulf came in with two strangers.

"Good morning," said Eardwulf.

"Yes- yes- what is it? It must be important, precious, for them to be waking us up in the middle of the day."

"These two Men are being considered for accompanying you on an errand you have volunteered for," said Eardwulf. "This was the only time they could meet with you."

Was that all?

Gollum looked over the strangers. They were typical Men of the city, tall and strong and stern. "We have met now," he said, looking up at Eardwulf.

Author's NoteThis goes downhill from here.

"True. But it would be well for you to introduce yourself," said Eardwulf.

"They knows who we are," said Gollum, nonplussed. "They must know, if they're here. Sméagol is the only one here and there is no other reason to come."

"Indeed, they know, but it is best to introduce yourself anyway."

"My name is Sméagol," Gollum said, "though they knows it already, they does; what- what else?"

"Will you not give him your names?" Eardwulf asked the Men.

Each Man rattled off a lengthy Man-name that left Gollum looking pained.

"He has a highly advanced sense of smell," said Eardwulf. "He relies on it nearly as much as sight."

"Is he a tracker orc?" one of the Men asked.

"I am a houndmaster," said Eardwulf. "I have seen little of battle and know little of orcs. You, I hear, know more; so you ought to know better than I that he is not an orc. I did not mean to suggest such an absurdity but only to say that Sméagol will know you sooner if you offer him your hand to sniff."

Author's NoteI think up to now we've only seen Eardwulf affectionately talking to Gollum or respectfully talking to Boromir. Now he's in a really prickly mode which he's probably developed over a long career of people thinking they know about hunting dogs when they don't, and transferring that prickly defensive mode neatly over to Gollum.

"No, no, that is alright," Gollum said in alarm. "They do not wish it."

"Very well. Never mind, then," said Eardwulf. To the Men he asked: "How clear is his speech to you?"

"I understood not a word he's said," one of the strangers said gruffly.

"But we was not even talking fast," said Gollum.

"Rest assured Sméagol does understand every word you say," said Eardwulf.

"Almosst every word, almost," Gollum said quietly to himself.

"He understands commands," Eardwulf continued. "He will follow them if he finds them reasonable. If he doesn't understand why you want him to do something, explain it to him. Sméagol is willing and wants to oblige you, but he is opposed to doing anything he does not see the sense in doing." He turned to Gollum, who was blinking up at him. Willing, was Sméagol? Obliging? Since when?

Author's NoteWe're going to kind of slide past that for now, but it will come back. Gollum tucked it away for later.

"If you get injured or exhaust yourself they may need to carry you, Sméagol. I would like to demonstrate to these Men how to do that properly, if you will allow me. I know you would not like them to pick you up around the waist."

"No," said Gollum. "That squeezes our insideses, and the Men wouldn't like it either, if someone so big walked in and starting squeezing. Not nice to squeeze people that way. Not safe."

"No, I would not like that either." Eardwulf leaned down, and Gollum, willingly, obligingly, scrambled into his arms. Eardwulf stood up. "You see," he said to the Men, who were now closer to Gollum's eye level- and a better look at their faces showed how little they appeared to like these proceedings- "he supports himself; if I were to let go he would stay affixed to my chest. He is more accustomed to climbing tree-trunks and cliff faces than he is to being held in someone's arms. I wear a thick leather vest if I know I will be carrying him- that way he can do as he likes without causing me any discomfort."

"Must we armor ourselves as well?" one of the strangers asked.

"I think that best for other reasons, given what your errand is. Sméagol will not harm you. But if you must carry him," said Eardwulf, "likely it is because he cannot move about on his own and possibly cannot cling either. If you don't wish him to cling to you, or he cannot support himself, hold him securely." He took a firmer grip on Gollum, and Gollum's grip relaxed. "You see I am supporting his back and allowing him to take up whatever position he wants to take. He is sturdier than he may look-"

"Not very!" said Gollum in alarm. He thought this was a dangerous idea to put into the heads of people who were so much larger and stronger than he was.

"But somewhat," said Eardwulf. "He will relax his grip if held firmly. Now, Sméagol has slippery skin. If he is weak or unconscious, he becomes as toneless as water, and may slide out of your arms if you are not careful."

"The Men has dropped us on our head before," Gollum said. "Poor Sméagol." Eardwulf, of course, had never done so.

"Indeed, that must be avoided. If you're having trouble keeping hold of him it may be necessary to wrap him up in a towel or cloth, but only do so if it is absolutely necessary. Sméagol is sensitive to heat and suffers from it easily. In that same vein, he will often strip to the waist, as he is now. He will dress himself if ordered to do so but you may need to assist him with anything that has a complicated fastening. I am wearing gloves because he does not like his skin to be touched with bare hands, though he will tolerate it if necessary. If he clutches you suddenly, he thinks he is slipping from your grip, and probably he really is. Do not scold him." His tone became very firm. "Do not ever strike him."

Gollum's eyes got even bigger and rounder than usual. Never? he thought. Are you sure? Even Sméagol thinks promising that is not wise. He wondered how many times he'd tried to bite Eardwulf while he was injured and confused.

"You may note that he is cold and clammy," the bizarre Man continued. "That is normal- if he feels dry or warm, he is ill or in dire need of water. You should be able to feel the chill of his body through his clothing."

Gollum glanced again at the strange Men. One of them was looking at his webbed feet. 

"If he is frightened or you cause him pain," Eardwulf said, "he might nip."

"No, no, we don't anymore," Gollum insisted.

"If Sméagol nips you out of being startled or hurt, he will not break the skin and will be very remorseful."

Author's NoteYeah Eardwulf is in full zookeeper mode

"But we won't bite," Gollum said. "No, no, that would not be nice!"

"How often does he nip?" one of the Men asked.

"Never, if you do not grab him without warning or cause him pain," said Eardwulf.

Author's Note'if he bit you it was your fault'

"If he does nip you while you're holding him, the usual reason is that you hurt him,

Author's Note'don't make him bite you. and then he won't bite you. idiot'

though normally he will complain first and only bite you if you do not take heed. You will not cause him pain by holding him the way I've shown you unless he is injured. And he-" As he was tired, Gollum here rested his cheek on Eardwulf's shoulder. The moment he did so, the scruffy Man stopped talking for just a moment, and resumed: "He weighs very little. Would either of you care to try to hold him now, while I am here to supervise? He is not fond of being handled by strangers but he might allow it if I ask him politely."

Author's Note'and now i've explained how to be nice to my ugly animal that might bite you, you can try to pet him if you want'

There was a silence, during which Gollum wriggled into a more comfortable position in the crook of Eardwulf's arm. Then: "I would not care to do so now," one of the Men said quietly.

"I also would not care to," said the other Man.

Gollum did not look at them.

"Very well," said Eardwulf. "Hopefully you will not need to carry him. But if you do, I wanted you to know not to pick him up around the middle. Particularly if he's just eaten."

Author's NoteThere have now been multiple complaints, from Gollum and from others on his behalf, about people picking him up around the waist. I think I was picturing
> Gollum is flattened to the ground in a crouch
> someone wants him out of the way
> he won't move and his rapid Westron is unintelligble. does he understand speech?
> he won't move.
> no obvious handhold
> he's weird and freaky
> grab real quick? uhh how about grabbing here
> Gollum screams and bites

"I will not do so," said one of the Men. "What does this creature eat, dare I ask?"

"He will be given dried meat on your expedition," said Eardwulf. "He may hunt, as well, if time and game are available."

Author's NoteThat's not a complete answer Eardwulf. what does he eat. What does he eat, Eardwulf?

"He hunts? Will he be carrying weapons?"

"I have not heard that he will," said Eardwulf. "He does not need them to hunt. He catches game and fish with his bare hands. I regret that I have never seen him at it, but he hunts in the dark, so there would be little for me to see."

"Need we know anything else about the creature?"

"Sometimes he makes a distinctive noise in his throat," said Eardwulf. "It does not mean anything is wrong with him, and it is best ignored."

Gollum fidgeted. He wished people would not mention the noise. Being reminded of it made his throat feel tight and gulpy, and at the same time it made him not want anyone to hear him gulp.

The Men did not look as if they understood why they were being alerted about the noise. They would if they heard it, Gollum thought.

"I see," one of them said. "Is that all?"

"For now, that will do."

The strangers left. As soon as the door closed behind them, Gollum gulped in his throat several times in rapid succession.

"Are you alright?" Eardwulf asked in alarm.

Author's NoteHonestly, no one likes being made aware of their swallow reflex.

"Yes, yes- gollum!" He picked at Eardwulf's sleeves, observing- not for the first time- how comparatively small Men's hands were for their size. Eardwulf's hands were not much longer than Gollum's, though they were quite a bit wider. "He can bring us to the river if he wants to see us fishing," he said. "Has Eardwulf gone to battle, then?"

"All of the able-bodied men of Gondor have gone to battle," said Eardwulf.

"That is dangerous, yes! It's good that he is alive, eh?"

"Indeed, I enjoy being alive."

"Lucky, lucky." He looked up into Eardwulf's face and noted the Man's rough whiskers. Déagol had a little bit of scruff on his face, he thought, but I- I do not remember if I did or not. I don't have any now...

"Does it bother you when people are apprehensive about being near you?" said Eardwulf bluntly.

"Bother us? It is a bit rude, it is, but we are used to it. Yes, we bears it- gollum."

"That is good. I am sure that many who may at first not know what to make of you will find a pleasant companion in you after spending time in your presence."

"He's sure of that, is he?"

"I am sure."

"You don't seem to mind us very much," Gollum ventured.

"I do not mind you at all." Of course, the King is paying him not to act as if he minds us, Gollum reflected. "And now I will let you sleep."

He leaned over the bed and let go. Gollum clung to him.

"I have to return to my duties, Sméagol," said Eardwulf. "I will visit you later."

"Of course, of course, gollum, he has dogses to look after," said Gollum.

"Please let go." Eardwulf paused. "You're blushing. What's wrong?"

Gollum stammered. Stupid handses, let go, he told himself, but his handses remembered all the times he had fallen off of rocks and gotten nasty bumps and bruises, and they stubbornly clutched Eardwulf's light leather armor.

"Ah... I am sorry, Sméagol," said Eardwulf. "I didn't realize you were up too high. You are lightweight." He leaned down until Gollum's weight settled on the bed, and then he managed to release his grip. "That is useful, I'm sure, when sleeping in a tree," Eardwulf observed. 

Author's NoteI think, being immersed in the mind of Gollum, the weirdest of the weird, it's easy to overlook that Eardwulf is also freaking insane. 'Oh how interesting and cute that you have a death grip on me. You're such a good little climber!' He missed his calling as a marine biologist and an expert on the ugliest shark in the world or something.

Gollum muttered to himself.

"Good night," said Eardwulf. "I must tend my dogses."

"Yes, yes, night," said Gollum, turning away and hiding his hot face in the cool pillow. He heard the door open and close. 

"I am not sure they will find us pleasant at all," Gollum said to himself, alone in the empty room.


The next night around midnight, an unfamiliar Man slipped in through the door without asking and stood there looking around. He did not see Gollum, who was, of course, sitting in the dark.

It must be another person coming for a look at him. There certainly did seem to be a lot of preparation going on for this brief practice mission. If Gollum had a suspicious nature in any way, why, he might be starting to think Faramir was doing all of this just to discourage him.

He wants us to call it off, he thought furiously. Sméagol won't, no matter how many peoples annoy him!

He waited for the strange Man to greet him, because surely the polite thing to do, when entering someone's room without even a by-your-leave, was to at least say 'hello'. When no 'hello' was forthcoming, Gollum said: "Who is it, my precious? Sméagol is here, if he's wanted. He can't see us in the dark, eh?"

"You must be Sméagol of the Anduin," said the Man.

"Yes, it is Sméagol. And who is he?"

The Man had bandages on his face and hands. He smelled of ointments and herbs- it was a familiar scent. Where have I smelt it? Gollum wondered. O! On Boromir's handses. They must have the same healer, I guess.

"I am merely a visitor," said the stranger. "I came here for a look at you, but I suppose I am disappointed in that. But this world is made up of disappointments, one atop the other."

"So it is. A look at us he wants, eh? Is he coming along on the trip, then?"

"The trip you are scheduled to make is no business of mine," said the Man. "It was curiosity that brought me."

"Curiosity?"

"Indeed, I am curious why one of the King's guests is being kept in squalor and darkness, and shut up like a prisoner. Why does he treat you thus?"

Gollum started up in surprise. "The room is clean, nice, it is. The Man would not call it squalor if he could see it. No!" He faltered. "Does it... does it stinks in here? Sméagol had a bath today, he did have one."

"I can smell nothing these days but herbs, in which I may be fortunate."

"The room is clean!" Gollum insisted. "It is only dark because my poor eyes are so tender, yes, they cannot bear anything... and it is the middle of the night, too! And I am not shut up! We have been told we might go where we likes."

"Then why do you not?"

"Went out for a bit," said Gollum, "but we lost our way, we do not know the city, and somebody tried to steal from us."

"Ah. The new King is doing well with law and order, I take it?"

"He is! Robber lost a nice bit of his hand for it, gollum." Although that part was not the King's doing, and despite Gollum's boastful tone he still felt a bit sick about the whole thing. "He is in jail now," he added. That was the King's doing.

"The King is fond of imprisoning people."

"Sméagol is not in prison!" Sméagol didn't know why not, but that was not the point in question. "He likes to stay here. It is safe here, quiet, and no one bothers us- most of the time."

"I suppose that is your polite way of saying I am bothering you."

"Not yet," said Gollum. "But we do not know who you are, or why you have come, and that makes Sméagol nervous, he is timid, is Sméagol. What's the Man's name?"

"I am Denethor, son of Ecthelion. Have you perhaps heard of me?"

I thinks I have, but where? Gollum thought over this a moment and realized he had overheard Bilbo making up a poem about a crazy person named Denethor, in the garden, on an evening that seemed long ago now.

His eyes got very round, but he just said: "No, no... we haven't, not ever."

Denethor's eye grew keen behind his bandages. "You have not? You have met both of my sons, I hear, and they were quite taken with you. Did they not speak of me whatsoever?"

"No, no. They keeps their businesses private. And Faramir did not like us very much."

Author's NoteHey this is actually true- well come to think of it Boromir once briefly mentioned having a meeting with his father but there's no reason Gollum would find that significant at this moment, I'm pretty sure he forgot all about it. And Boromir didn't mention his name.

"That is a shame. Faramir is extremely particular about his companions these days, I'm afraid. He is not fond of me either, his own father."

Author's NoteWhyever not (but this is just Denethor's perspective, I got the impression that Faramir shuts down when he's stressed by his father, and this is likely happening now and Denethor is perceiving it as rejection)

"He isn't?" But, thought Gollum, I think Faramir doesn't like us because we are nasty and kills people. He seems to like everyone else. Why doesn't he like his father, then, eh? All he said was: "What a shame, what a shame! But Boromir is nicer?"

Author's NoteDenethor is a really complicated and subtle character. In this scene he might not come off to full advantage because 1) he's really stressed 2) we are in the POV of someone who just wants him to go away. I tried to do him justice, I swear.
Denethor is also the first person in this fic to put his foot down and say 'What in the WORLD are we doing, entertaining this weird freaking meme of a character as if he's a real person.'

"Yes, much nicer." Gollum's grandmother in the long-ago days had been quite honest about which of her children she did not like (including Sméagol's father), so this blatant favoritism did not strike him as odd. "He is nice to you as well, I hear. He seems to have found great profit in his counsels with you. You are an expert on orcs, I am told, and know so much about them that you are able to educate an experienced general of Gondor!"

Author's NoteThankfully, Gollum still struggles with understanding tone of voice at times, and misses the sarcasm.

"Boromir says so. Sméagol knows a lot about orcses," said Gollum. "But maybe it is that we are telling Boromir things he already knows and he does not show it. He is nice, he is polite."

Author's NoteDenethor proceeds to make his sarcasm a little more obvious.

"Indeed, he is well-mannered and especially indulgent of halflings. He has never met a halfling he will not entertain for hours. He will drop all reason and sanity to defend any halfling he meets with his life. But, I digress. I wish to know how you became so learned about orcs."

He may as well have said he wishes we all fell in the mountain of fire, Gollum thought. 

Author's NoteThis is rude, but I suppose from Denethor's perspective, he had his son come back from Hell Road Trip and this happened
denethor: wheres the ring
boromir: dont have it
denethor: you had one job. where is the one ring
boromir: hobbits
denethor: you look more arrows than i recall
boromir: I am now physically and mentally broken and can never be the man you knew again
denethor: oh. why
boromir: hobbits
denethor: cool. sure. fine
Gollum's POV can convey none of that, of course.

"The orcses came and lived near us," he said, politely enough. "They lived near us a long time, and we had to learn, Sméagol had to learn if he wanted to keep his skin, he did. So I learned. I had a long time to learn. I am not a general, and have no army, and I learned different things about orcses than a big Man with a sword would." It occurred to him that Boromir plainly had not shared this kind of information with his father, though it was not secret and he had shared it with Aragorn. "Maybe the different thingses are useful," he said vaguely. "That is all."

"Useful enough to spend many hours in conversation with you?"

"Maybe- maybe not, perhaps he is only being kind to us by listening. Sméagol cannot know."

"Perhaps he is only being kind. I had quite forgotten that we are speaking of the new, reformed Boromir, committed to kindness and gentleness."

"Ought he not to be, precious?" asked Gollum, who had thought the Men under Aragorn's rule valued those things, or at least claimed to.

"It is simply not a quality that is often much use to a general. How many wars are won by kindness and gentleness, I wonder? Did kindness defeat the Shadow?"

Gollum muttered to himself, thinking of Frodo... and of Bilbo.

Author's Notethe implication is supposed to be that mercy did defeat Sauron
in a manner of speaking
so did unrelenting insane obsession but also mercy. mercy was first

He thought too of how Denethor seemed decidedly tricksy, and he decided not to say anything to him about either Baggins. If that was how he talked about Boromir, to a stranger- a flagrantly untrustworthy stranger like Gollum, at that- what might he say about a Baggins?

Denethor was looking at him as if he could see him, though Men could not see in the dark. 

"Your eyes gleam," Denethor said carelessly.

"Is that so, my precious," said Gollum, with a little shiver. "But we did not ask how he could see us."

"You looked as if you wondered."

But he cannot possibly see enough of our face to tell that, not just from our bright eyes. So what is he on about? Gollum recalled that this was Faramir's father he was talking to, after all- and he tried to make his mind blank.

Author's NoteThe summary for this chapter was 'Gollum's paranoia is finally useful'

A knock came on the door. "Who is it?" Gollum cried.

The door opened- it was Maeron, holding a pitcher. "I've brought you some water," he said quietly.

"Hello, hello," Gollum cried. "It's pleased to see him we is, we is parched! Puts it down here."

"Oh, Sméagol, I am afraid the candle is out," said the youth. It being very dark, he did not see Denethor, who stood by the wall like a specter. "I cannot see where you are indicating for me to put this."

"It is out, it is! I wonders how that happened. Put that down where you are, then, we'll take it."

Maeron, who was never eager to overstay his welcome, put down the pitcher, said "Good night to you" and turned to go.

"O," said Gollum, "if he would do an old creature a kindness, my precious, he might speak to the guard in the hall, yes, because- he has been letting peoples through."

"Very well, Sméagol."

"Someone is here now," said Gollum.

"Oh? I do not see anyone."

"No, no, no," said Gollum, "he is lurking in the dark, he is, which is not very nice."

"I see... should I remove him?"

"No," said Gollum, after hesitating a moment. "He is not hurting anyone... but he is making us nervous!"

"I see. I will ask about that," said Maeron. "Good night." He hurried away.

He did not seem very alarmed, Gollum noted. Does he not believe us?

Author's NoteThere is a person in Gollum's room who should not be there, who appears to have ill intent. Gollum's need for the dark renders this person invisible. Another guy comes in and has no idea there's someone malevolently lurking there. From Gollum's perspective there's an intruder twice his size in the room and when he expresses concern it's more or less dismissed, and from Maeron's- he walks into the very dark room where he can't see anything but the gleam of the weird little freak's eyes, and gets this casual 'Someone else is here. Oh he's in the dark you can't see him'

He turned his attention to the pitcher of water, and had a long drink that drained half of it at once.

Denethor watched him with hooded eyes. It was a bad sign, Gollum thought, that he had hidden from Maeron that way.

Gollum stuck his whole head into the pitcher. He felt so wretchedly dry. He longed for a real dousing in water. He thought, wistfully, that he might have seen a curve of the River from the top of the city's walls when he had gone out, but perhaps it had been an illusion because he so badly wanted it to be there.

He withdrew his head and went back to the table, dripping.

"I hear you assisted the Ringbearer," said Denethor.

"Why does he ask? Does the Man need helps?"

"What manner of help did you give him?"

"Sam will tell him." He deserves a bit of Sam, he thought.

"Samwise told me you showed them a path to Mordor. But there is more, is there not?"

"No," said Gollum shortly. He picked up a pencil and started drawing circles.

"It is thought that the halfling Frodo Baggins destroyed Isildur's Bane," said Denethor. "But he did not, did he?"

"What's that, eh? What's he on about now, my precious?"

"Frodo has all of the honor and glory for destroying the Enemy's Ring."

"Yes, yes. Mine," said Gollum, looking up sharply. "It was mine. Not His any longer!"

"It was yours?" exclaimed Denethor. "If it was yours, surely it must gall you to hear that Frodo is being lauded for destroying it."

"No. What are you talking about?" Gollum whined. "Don't make us think of these things. It is all over now. Let the master be honored and lauded, and whatever else they wish to do. He worked hard enough, gollum. The poor hobbit nearly died in his Sam's lap right there on the mountain, he did. Isildur's Bane indeed, my precious! Gollum, gollum! It ought to be called Halfling's Bane, after all it's done to hobbits." But he missed it so. His lip quivered and he hid his face in the crook of his arm.

"Halfling's Bane," said Denethor. "Yes, your kind have become very... important. But I am speaking of fairness. It is not fair to give someone honor for deeds another Man did... or perhaps another Halfling."

"Sss. Sss. I suppose. Is that all he has come to talk about? Sméagol is tired, his poor head is aching. Denethor might come and talk to him another time." After I tell everyone he was here asking me nosy questions about the master, he thought.

Perhaps that thought was a mistake, because Denethor now seemed to be in a hurry. "If someone else destroyed the Ring Frodo ought not to have the honor for doing so. Is that not true?"

Gollum squinted at him. "But the master did destroy it."

Denethor made a gesture of impatience. "You destroyed it. Your hand cast it into the fire. What have you been threatened or promised, to make you hold your tongue?"

"Sméagol has not held his tongue," said Gollum, blinking.

"On this matter you have. Are you being kept here so that you can tell no one? A word from me will set things right."

"What does he mean? What now? Ach! Why won't he go?"

"Admit your deed!" Denethor demanded, stepping closer. Gollum drew away. "You miserable cur! Halflings indeed! I can see the truth! You are a creature of Mordor, and some foul deal was struck with you. What have they given you? Is Gondor secretly ruled by the Black Hand?"

Author's Note>Be Denethor
Gondor is doomed. All you have and hold is doomed to be destroyed by Sauron.
>The magic orb told you so.
>No it's cool, it's a magic orb, it's a family legacy and it is definitely not corrupting you.
>Anyway your lineage is doomed and your nation is doomed and the only way to keep any shred of honor or control is to go out on your own terms
>take your son with you because a nazgul blade is eating his soul or whatever anyway. The orcs won't defile his body if you burn it to ash
>???? last minute save
>wake up
>gondor is fine and there's a new king who looks suspiciously like a guy you knew once in the army and didn't like but don't worry about that part right now
>'how is gondor not destroyed'
>'hobbits'
>oh. but the orb told you it was doomed
>'hobbits'
>ok, you've seen pippin and you know pippin is real, but - for most of your life hobbits were random fairy tale creatures
>the ring was destroyed?
>'hobbits'
>and boromir is very weird now. hobbits. okay.
>the orb is infallible and told you your city was definitely doomed
>what if everything only looks like it's okay?
>why are your sons acting so weird
>'hobbits'
>okay
>how did the ring ACTUALLY get destroyed
>...
>gollum? what's a gollum
>...
>What the actual hell
>and boromir's friends with him now.
>also you can't get any sleep and you have painful burns and aren't thinking clearly
>...gollum is sauron, right?

"No!" Gollum shrieked. "I swore He would not have it! I promised! I didn't want Him to have it! It was mine!"

"Yours! Are you he?"

Author's Note^ the statement of a man in desperate confusion

"No! You are mad, mad, mad! You should not say such things even now. Why will you not go?" He began to weep.

Some sense other than hearing or sight told him that the Man's hand was raised to strike him. He darted aside.

Author's NoteGollum's sixth sense is finally useful too! It wasn't useful when he was dodging pets from Boromir and Frodo earlier, but now someone is actually trying to do him harm and the dodge is appropriate.
This isn't really meant to be true sixth sense/ESP. Actually Gollum is feeling currents in the air from people moving around near him, and he doesn't know how to describe that even inside his head because he's distracted and doesn't notice that's what's happening.

"Don't!" Gollum shrieked. "Filthy coward, nasty Man! If he touches us he'll never see his hand again, gollum, gollum! Hitting a poor wretch who's done you no harm. What would Boromir say? Shame and scorn!"

"Do not say my son's name! You have poisoned him against me!"

Author's NoteGollum again strikes someone's weak spot by accident. (The first time was when he accused Aragorn of sacrificing Frodo to win the war)

"Never! I've never seen you before in my life, can't have told anyone nothing about you, we wants you to go away!"

He heard voices from the hall just then. Two voices, and familiar ones, but he could not place them when heard through the wall. They would surely enter the room soon. I should keep this rotten fool talking, he thought, so that they sees what he's doing when they come in, otherwise they may not believe poor Sméagol, Sméagol himself would not believe it if someone told him, it is madness. "Why does he ask us about the Precious?" Gollum asked desperately. "I don't want to hear about it! It is dead and gone, and it hurts me, hurts me, gollum, gollum. I did not speak of it. You did, you did!"

"Didst thou destroy it?" the Man demanded. "Or didst thou give it to the Enemy? How far does this deception reach?"

"It is destroyed, it is dead," said Gollum. "In the Black Lands, it perished, it died, it is gone forever. And I, I did not destroy it. I could not have. I could never have! The Master did destroy it. He made me promise and that destroyed it- it would have- whether I wished it or not. I could do nothing on my own. Sméagol did not exist any longer, he was lost, lost," and he dissolved into weeping.

Denethor made a grab for him. He dodged, and it was that moment when the door opened, with a flicker of light from a held torch. Gollum ran for the newcomers and coiled about their feet.

For a moment the only sound was his own frantic, gobbling sobs, and then he quieted a bit and realized he was clutching Aragorn's leg. He looked up. Aragorn looked down at him. Gollum let go of his leg and huddled against the floor, sniffling and hiccupping.

"Good evening, Lord Denethor," said Gandalf, for he was the other new visitor. "I see you have been having a conversation with Sméagol, which he does not appear to have been enjoying. I am afraid I have had many conversations of like kind with him, but I do wonder what you so urgently needed him to tell you at this juncture."

Denethor glared at Gandalf, and for a long minute their eyes locked. Gollum shivered all over. He thought he almost heard voices, arguing in a wordless torrent like the rush of the River.

Author's NotePippin in canon was able to sense Denethor and Gandalf's mental communication so I didn't see any reason Gollum wouldn't (Gollum has had more contact with magic and should if anything notice it more)

"I am happy to discuss this with you at length," Gandalf said suddenly, "but I believe you would be more comfortable in your own quarters. I myself certainly would be, as Sméagol has been given rather low furniture," and he led Denethor away, the proud Man still glaring mightily.

Aragorn looked down at Gollum, and crouched on the floor to get closer to his eye level. "Don't be afraid," he said. "I need you to tell me exactly what he said to you. For Frodo's sake."

Author's NoteI believe Aragorn is indulging in blatant manipulation here. 'Frodo' is the magic word to get Gollum to do anything these days. But Gollum has no reason to hold anything back anyway.

Gollum trembled and wiped his eyes. He divulged at once his rambling, confused account of the entire encounter, as comprehensibly as he could manage.

He ended by saying tearfully: "He said nasty things about the master."

Aragorn shook his head. "This is unpleasant hearing, but it is not so bad as I feared. Frodo will not be harmed by it."

"Will Aragorn punish him? Put him in jail?"

"He will not be put in jail," said Aragorn.

"But he shouldn't say those things about the master," said Gollum, with a reproachful look.

"I would not advise that you re-open the subject of who ought to be in jail and for which reasons," said Aragorn dryly.

"If he is not in jail he will go and tell people the master did not do what they says he did. That is not right!"

"Sméagol, I do not quite know how to tell you this," said Aragorn. "You did something that was very important whether you meant it to be or not. The knowledge of this will not hurt Frodo, he is quite willing to say that you helped him. In fact he has never claimed credit for your deed and has tried to correct others' assumptions. Even when we ask him not to."

"But Dennythor made it sound nasty. If he tells anybody, he will make it sound nastier, gollum, gollum!"

"I fear that Lord Denethor is not well in his mind- which you ought to be able to understand. He is unable to trust those who would help him, and hates those who have not earned it." Aragorn looked at him keenly.

"Yes, yes," said Gollum. "But when Sméagol was like that- Aragorn did put me in jail."

"True, but despite my best efforts, you did not stay there. And though his situation is one where I cannot exactly throw him in the dungeon, Denethor is not supposed to be wandering where he chooses, which is why he came here in the dead of night. It was not to accommodate your sleeping habits. I admired him when I knew him the way he was before, and I hope he can recover.

Author's NoteI'm TRYING to be respectful to Denethor here guys

It is known that as he is now, his word is not trustworthy, and nothing he says can harm Frodo's reputation, even if it happens to be true. You have not forgotten that you did destroy the Ring, I hope?"

Gollum stared blankly into space.

"That is a bit of a secret," said Aragorn. "But it is not made secret to protect Frodo. I tell you, that knowledge cannot harm him. No one will ever diminish the tremendous feat he did. And I would say taming you is itself quite another impressive feat. The secrecy is to protect you."

Gollum looked up at him. "Why?"

"I did not think you would take well to being known."

Author's NoteGollum's reaction to having the subject brought up kind of bears that out I think

He raised an eyebrow. "But I'm going to have to give some better explanation of what you are now that you've been approaching everyone who will consent to speak with you. Your foray into the city is what I came to discuss. My timing was fortunate. I had no knowledge that Denethor was also here."

Gollum cringed. Frodo had warned him this conversation was coming. "Sméagol will not be so silly again, no! He will stay away from peoples, good Sméagol... gollum!"

"Some moderation would be wise, but I hope the lesson you take from this will not be that Men are cruel and must be avoided."

Author's NoteAragorn has a complicated issue here, that he's known was coming ever since Gollum inconveniently did not die

Aragorn rose to a standing position and walked over to sit at the table, stretching out his long legs. Gollum shuffled forward to sniff at his boots. Finding that they were of Elven make and reeked accordingly, he turned aside and sat down a safe distance away. "I would like to know why you left to begin with. I have my assumptions, but I'd like to hear it from you."

"Said we'd look for orcses," Gollum said submissively. "Wanted to go by ourselfs. Got lost, we did. Got lost in Anárion's city. Sméagol was wrong, he needs help, he is very sorry he went out and he will stay nicely now, yes!" 

"I am surprised to hear you speak the name of Anárion," said Aragorn.

Gollum nodded, then squinted up at him. "Why?"

"You have not the look of a lore-master."

"Doesn't Sméagol?" Gollum said bitterly.

Author's NoteGOLLUM KNOWS THINGS, OK, HE KNOWS MARSH AND KILL FISH AND MAKE NOISE AND SILMARILLION LORE

"He does not look very learned? Gran told us about his city. It is an old city. Heard about it a long time ago, gollum. When people still told us tales, when they didn't mind us so much."

"This city has survived a great deal since then. It has a new name, which you may or may not know- it is now called Minas Tirith, not Minas Anor."

"Minas Tirith, eh? That is nicer."

Author's NoteOK, the joke is that 'Anor' means 'sun' and Gollum doesn't like the sun but Gollum also does not speak Sindarin. Then again, neither do I and I knew 'Anor' meant 'sun'.

Aragorn sized him up. "I am not surprised that you went out. I thought it inevitable, if I could not forestall it. Anyone would eventually feel confined if given only one room to be in, and you have ranged far and wide. I regret that I had so many duties to attend to that I kept putting you off- I hoped you would be contented with wandering the gardens for a while and being promised an errand to do, but of course in the end I ran out of time and you left. Once you were gone, I had to decide whether I would attempt to trust you. Gandalf believed that I could, and told me I should not bother about you. I decided that if it turned out that I could not trust you, I could trust my own subjects to defend themselves from you if the worst happened. I let you be. And the worst did not happen, and I am pleased by that."

Gollum mulled this over a bit and said: "We was going to look for orcses! It wasn't anything to do with being cooped up, precious." He did wonder why Gandalf thought he was so trustworthy, but he doubted he would get an answer.

"So I hear," said Aragorn. "I will take you at your word, if you like. However, I'm sure there would have been some other reason you found to go out regardless. There's no shame in feeling 'cooped up'. You are accustomed to having at least an underground lake's worth of space."

Gollum scratched at his arm and glanced around the room.

"It feels quite small to you now that I've called your attention to these things," said Aragorn.

Gollum glanced at him.

Aragorn looked wry. "I cannot see your mind as Denethor can. I know your thought because I, too, have lived in the wilderness a long time. I know full well that you cannot be happy with only these four walls. This was only intended to be a temporary sickroom. I may say that you took me off guard by recovering so quickly.

Author's NoteBy the way, I am avoiding mentioning the timeline specifically, because I know people are recovering from physical injury faster than is plausible. And becaue Gollum's perception of time is 'off' (from sickness/injury/recovery/being in a strange place/being 500 years old when his natural lifespan ends around 100 give or take) But the Ring was destroyed in March and it's at least May here, I think, because Gollum's beginning to complain about warm weather. Aragorn successfully kept him in that room for two months or so; which is a very speedy recovery for 'fell halfway in a volcano'.

You would have enjoyed seeing my face on the evening when Bilbo told me you'd climbed down the sheer stone wall and invited yourself to the hobbits' tea party."

"Baggins went and told the King about it, did he?"

"He did. Bilbo and I are old friends, as it happens. Did you not know?"

"No, no, we do not get to talk to Baggins often enough to know who his friends are."

Author's NoteGollum's starting to complain about not getting to talk to Bilbo! He has some nerve

"I see," said Aragorn, raising his eyebrows. "Does it surprise you that he and I are friends?"

"Ought it to, my precious?" Gollum asked. "He is a Baggins. He knows the other very important Baggins who knows the King. He knows Gandalf, too, who knows the King. I do not see why he ought not to know the King. Even I knows the King."

"Ah. That is only logical."

"It seems that way to Sméagol."

Author's NoteIt seems that way to me too when he puts it like that but after reading 200ish pages of this fic I might have gone insane. (It doesn't feel long while I'm reading it, only when I realize how much time has passed and I am still reading it)

"At any rate, it was expected that you would range beyond the Sixth Circle eventually, with or without anyone's supervision or agreement. But I thought that you would stay out of sight, barring a few momentary lapses." Gollum winced. "I thought I needed to warn my subjects that they might see you darting around in the dark, and that they ought not to shoot you." 

"That is good," said Gollum, "we thanks him. Sméagol doesn't want to be shot!"

"You're welcome." Aragorn cleared his throat. "It seems when you found out that I did not want you harmed or recaptured, you... decided to socialize."

"We wasn't nasty to anyone who didn't try to hurt us," Gollum quickly said. "Don't know about socialize."

"No, no, apparently not," said Aragorn. "You did become slightly belligerent, I hear, when a shopkeeper did not accept your services as a rat-catcher."

"Shopses shouldn't have rats," said Gollum. "He should have let us catch them, we would have done it for free, and he only wouldn't because he didn't like us and wouldn't let us in, and we were hungry! He was rude, he was. He didn't want Sméagol there at all, when it's a public shop anyone can go into. But I wasn't nasty to him- I left when he said no!" His tone was assertive, but on the inside he felt clammy and knotted up- he had not expected to become accountable to Aragorn for every fool thing he'd taken it into his head to prattle about in the city.

Author's NoteAragorn of course only hears/sees the assertive tone.

"So I hear. Yes. You were very friendly indeed to the butcher."

"He had nice foods," said Gollum. "He was a nice Man. We did not make him give us anything. He offered!"

"I fear he thought you were a pitiful old beggar."

"We did not lie- we did not know what he thought. We couldn't make sense of half of what he said! He talked a long time to us."

"You made quite an impression on an old man by turning up in a fountain," said Aragorn.

"I asked him if I was bothering him. I asked. He said he didn't mind it."

"It sounds as if the residents of the city were quite out of luck if they did not wish to see you, Sméagol."

"Have I done anything wrong?" Gollum asked, unable to look at Aragorn's face any longer. "Please tell me."

Aragorn did not speak for a moment and when he resumed his tone was quieter.

Author's NoteFrom Aragorn's point of view, he thinks it's amusing and kinda cute that Gollum was having so much innocent fun in the city and it's a huge relief. He CAN be perfectly safe and friendly! Oh thank goodness! And he can even participate in a bantery back and forth about the incident, like a normal hobbit! Look, he's just a guy now! Yay we're having fun. Then Gollum drops his eyes in an attitude of shame and says "Have I done anything wrong? Please tell me" and Aragorn realizes he has been misreading the situation somewhat. Gollum's not actually having fun.

"I did not bring all of this up to shame you. I only want to make something clear to you. I have not been tracking down what you did and whom you spoke to, Sméagol- I am hearing these tales brought to me, by people who want to know who you are. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Gollum whispered. 

Author's NoteI don't believe he really does understand. He thinks he does.

"If they keep asking, I am going to have to tell them. Already I doubt they are satisfied with simply hearing that you 'helped the Ringbearer'." Aragorn studied Gollum for a moment, and continued: "I am well-traveled, but I have never before seen quite that shade of green."

"We thought they may- they may take us for a small Man, perhaps."

"I suppose this is your night to hear bad news. Men do not have webbed feet or glowing eyes, and when you laugh or smile, your fangs show... which is something everyone who spoke to you in the city seems to be aware of, though I have not seen it for myself."

Gollum covered his mouth with his hand.

"You're not smiling now," Aragorn pointed out. 

"We had a hood- over my face- over Sméagol's pale, strange face..."

"You are also quite low to the ground, and when you tip your head back to look up at someone the hood no longer hides your face. This is a problem common to those of your stature."

"I've been a fool." 

There was a brief silence before Aragorn spoke again.

Author's NoteThe brief silence is Aragorn realizing Gollum is even more mortified than he realized, and re-calibrating his idea of what Gollum is like at this point. I don't think he would have suspected social insecurity.

"I doubt you could have guessed how you look or sound to a resident of the city. I am only trying to make you understand that you are not going to be able to hide who you are. You will have to choose between your anonymity and your freedom, because if you go where you like and do what you like, people will notice you. And then I'll have to tell them about you. I will not let them try to figure it out like Denethor has, and end up thinking you're Sauron."

Gollum cringed against the floor. "Don't want to go out- never will again- gollum!"

"You'll want to again, I am sure. but hopefully not any time soon," said Aragorn. "Just don't go out alone."

Gandalf walked through the door then and looked down at Gollum. "I have just heard an account of your conversation with Lord Denethor. You were not quite polite to him."

"No, no, we were not," Gollum mumbled.

"I am disappointed in you."

"You are?"

"Very," said Gandalf. "You ought to have been much ruder." Gollum said nothing, thinking he may have misheard. "If it is any consolation to you, I am also very disappointed in Denethor."

Author's NoteHe doesn't say why he's disappointed in Denethor. There are many potential reasons, one of which is that Denethor should also have been much ruder.

Gandalf looked up at Aragorn. "Have you concluded your business with him? I would like to discuss matters with you that are not any of Sméagol's concern."

Aragorn turned to Gollum. "I have only a little more to say to you- I hear you are afraid of being cast out, and do not trust any promises, so I will say again that you will be cared for here as long as you wish, but I know I have no power to make you believe me."

"He is talking to Faramir about us, then, eh?"

"Of course I am. He is my Steward, and he told me the whole of your conversation. I hope that was not made secret from you."

Gollum shook his head. "We just didn't think of it."

"I wish to caution you," said Aragorn, "although you are welcome to my hospitality, if you do remain in Minas Tirith, and travel about freely, people will discover you in time, and you will become known as one of the three hobbits who delivered the Ring to the fires of Doom whether you like it or not. But there are places where no one heard very much about the Quest and certainly would not know you were involved if you did not choose to say so. I would gladly help you find such a place to live if you desire one, and provide for your comfort there."

"I believe Sméagol now thinks that will be your excuse to be rid of him," said Gandalf. This was in fact true. "He's quite hardheaded."

"Ah," said Aragorn. "So that is another reason why Boromir feels a kinship with him."

"Boromir is nice," Gollum said sullenly. "They shouldn't say nasty things about him because he is nice to us."

"Sméagol," said Aragorn. "Boromir is as dear as a brother to me. I am only joking."

Author's NoteAragorn is reminded once again that Gollum's understanding of humor is not reliable.
I confess I find it endearing that Gollum instantly jumps to defend Boromir, even though he's feeling about two inches tall and afraid of rejection. He even goes so far as to say he doesn't want Boromir to be punished for being kind to him.

"They will say nasty things about the master if he says he is friends with us." Gollum wiped his eyes.

Aragorn sighed. "I will leave you now, Sméagol. I hope you consider your options carefully."

Gollum nodded and crawled under the bed.

Deleted Scenes

Originally I had one more in the parade of random people before Denethor shows up, but I cut him because he wasn't important and the chapter was too long.

__

Another visitor was an old Man who appeared in the night when Gollum was doodling quietly at his table.

The Man slipped in through the door without asking and stood there looking excited and furtive, with his back pressed to the wall. He looked around, and did not see Gollum, who was, of course, sitting in the dark.

"Hello?" Gollum said. People whom he did not know popped up in his room fairly often- he had an idea that some people took one look at him and could not bear to return, and others wore down after some weeks looking after him, and those people needed to be replaced. Rarely, however, did they look as if they were sneaking about- although one time a boy had shown up wanting to feed Gollum a mouse, and that didn't seem as if it was sanctioned.

Author's NoteTowards the end of the fic there's a reference remaining to a child who tried to feed him a mouse, but the kid didn't have to break into his room in the final version because by the time he's referenced Gollum's been out and about enough to be harassed by strangers.

Gollum had declined to eat live things in front of people as if he was a sideshow. He had told the boy in no uncertain terms to go off home to his parents, or else Gollum would eat him, yes precious, sss, and he could tell all his little friends that he'd almost been eaten by a monster. The boy had thought that great fun but he still wanted to see Gollum eat a mouse. The answer was no, absolutely not; but he'd kept the mouse and eaten it in private. Also, an agreement had been made that if the boy brought a live fish Gollum would eat that in front of as many curious little brats as desired, but no fish had materialized.

Suilorion is supposed to keep peoples like that away, we thinks, thought Gollum. He thought also that Suilorion- and the less friendly guard who took turns with him- was supposed to have kept away the person who was here now.

"A-ah!" said the Man. He looked frightened, as if he had almost not expected Gollum to really be there in the shadows, in his own room, where he certainly should be. And then he bowed, saying: "Greetings, Lord Sméagol-"

Gollum sputtered.

"Is that not your name?" the Man stammered.

"It is- just Sméagol," he said, thinking something along the lines of don't patronize me. Of course he'd once fantasized about being addressed in such a manner but now that it was at hand it sounded patently absurd. It was proof, if he needed any, that this person shouldn't be here.

"I see! I apologize, sir-"

"It is not sir," Gollum nearly screamed.

"I beg your pardon. I, I have come to ask a favor."

"A favor," said Gollum. "Sss. What is it?"

"I am a historian. I have heard that you have a long memory and are a- a fount of information."

"Questionses, is it? What does he want, then? Orcses? We does know much about them. Yes much; more than he'd want to know, I guess."

"I have begun a study of halflings." The Man was blinking more blindly than usual. Gollum noted that the candle on the wall was not lit (Gollum had blown it out, as he had a headache and didn't feel inclined to tolerate the candle), and this Man- being an interloper- didn't know it was there and available. "They are creatures who are suddenly of such importance, and we have so little lore about them!"

"Men is stupid about hobbitses, they are," said Gollum. "He wishes he wasn't? Good, good! Don't be so stupid anymore. It is silly. But what does that have to do with Sméagol, eh? Didn't know hobbits long, and they will tell you about it themselfs. They have prettier voices, and are nicer to talk to."

"Why, I would like to know a little bit more about you. About your life and your origins."

"We are not a hobbit."

"I would still like to know whatever you are willing to tell me."

"Willing? There is nothing I am willing to say to a hisstorian and have put down. I don't like peoples knowing about me," said Gollum. "I am not some monster from a tale that is told by the fire.

Author's NoteLol

Only a creeping thing. A private creeping thing who is sorry and wants to be left alone."

The Man looked disappointed and frightened. He was a fat, nebbish creature, and small for a Man. Actually he put Gollum in mind of Bilbo Baggins, which was perhaps another reason why Gollum didn't want to chat with him. "Baggins will talk to him," Gollum said. "O yes, he'll tell him all about us. And about hobbits."

"I have spoken to Mr. Baggins."

"Has he? What did he say?"

"He told your story, from his perspective, but perhaps you would like it recorded from yours?"

"Sss, sss," said Gollum. "Tasty bait it is. Where is the hook?"

The Man said nothing. Perhaps he didn't like fishing metaphors.

"O but it's worse if we tells it ourselfs," said Gollum. "Yes, yes. Worse. Ever so much worse. Baggins doesn't know every nasty little thought that was in Sméagol's head, no, he can't." He flipped through his papers. As he was using so many of them, Galil had brought him a slate, but Gollum's damp sweaty hands had made it slick and so it had slipped from his grip and broken. Fortunately, no one seemed to disbelieve that it had been an accident. "I don't want to tell about me," he said. "Gandalf knows more."

Author's NoteThere would have been some utility in leaving this in because it foreshadows Gollum choosing to collaborate with Bilbo later and also introduces him acting all secretive instead of it coming up for the first time when Aragorn comes in at the end of the chapter but I think it's still just too long.

"But that is still not in your own words."

"I don't want to tell it," said Gollum. "And I did not want a visitor. You have come in without asking anybody, and that is rude. Rude! We said no and we was nice about it, but we will not be nice about it if he stays and keeps on asking, my precious." Suddenly he realized he had not specified which Baggins they were talking about and neither had the Man, who might think he had been referring to Frodo. It doesn't matter, he decided.

"Would you be willing to tell me about the land you lived in?"

"No."

"Whyever not?"

"Can't go back," said Gollum. "No home. Nothing left. Don't like to remember. Don't want to talk. Tired. Didn't ask him to come here."

"Is there not anything you are willing to discuss with me?" There was a quaver in the Man's voice.

Muttering to himself, Gollum leafed through his papers. He took out a pile and shoved it at the Man. "Wrote stuffs. Read that. Won't talk. Take it! It is in our way, and we can't burn it." He shuddered.

"Ah. Thank- thank you." He scurried off. Finally.

It occurred to Gollum that he was not sure what was in those papers. Doesn't matter, he won't be able to read what we wrote anyway, he thought. Our letters are too messy.

___

There's also a version, following on from this random guy's entrance and exit, where Gollum is much ruder to Denethor. I toned it down because I thought Gollum should be considerably more off guard (and because he's been softening steadily)

At last he was left in peace, or as much peace as his broken, twisted heart could give him, but not for long. He heard the door again, and looked up with a scowl. He hoped it was only someone with water, but no such luck.

"A scholar too, is he?" he said, seeing another stranger. This one had bandages over most of his face and covering one arm. He smelled of ointments, which made Gollum sneeze.

"Of a sort," said the Man. "Indeed I am wise in lore."

"Not a wizard, I hopes," said Gollum with a wary glance. This Man looked far too wise and proud to be safe. He might have been the boss of the fumbling little person who had just left. "We do not wish to talk! Go away. I, this is my room."

"Ah," said the Man. "So it is that, having been graced with the return of the King, and having been so kindly invited to pass on the role of Steward before my time, not only I am now to be given no choice even in the manner of my death, it seems meet that I will obey the orders of a maddened, crippled Halfling, one so honored in his own time and lands that he was exiled."

Author's NoteAnother issue with this version is that I'm not so sure people would be willing to give Denethor that much information about Gollum, and Denethor's info-gathering abilities are a little curtailed at this point.

Gollum recoiled. "Sss, sss!"

"Am I wrong?" the Man asked.

"What does he want here, then? What do you want from me?"

"I am curious," said the Man. "I see before me the deformed child of the race of halfings mated to Isildur's Bane. There is no other such sight in the world, and that makes you a powerful curiosity indeed."

"I have been curious too," Gollum said softly. "About what is in dark places, and what is under rockses and in the roots of trees, and what is inside people. I've found out nasty things, I have. Prying." And he didn't think he was quite so unique as all that, given how many times he'd been mistaken for an orc.

The Man looked at him as if he saw in the darkness. In fact- though he could not see himself, and did not know this- Gollum's eyes glowed so brightly that his thin face was visible in the light they cast. He was quite angry, but in the anger there was a small hint of a twisted satisfaction- it seemed to him that this haughty Man was one of few with the nerve to treat Sméagol with the scorn he deserved.

Author's NoteYeah I was enjoying being edgy while I wrote this but at this point in the story Gollum's much softer and more confused than this. He's having a lot of new feelings that are making him kind of humble and vulnerable at the moment.

"You are staring at us. Sméagol is a pretty puzzle, is he not?" he asked.

"Pretty indeed," said the Man. "An ornament for the King's menagerie."

Author's NoteIt is fun to have him give Denethor more material though lol

"Yes, yes," Gollum said. "A trinket, we are. What are you good for, then? You cannot have very much to do if you are bothering us for nothing."

"Indeed, I do not. Our King has graciously decided I may do nothing of importance but also may not die. He seems to see me much the same way he sees you."

"I do not wish to die. If you wish to die because the King says or doesn't say that you may do this or not do that, it seems very foolish to us."

"The speech of the halflings is as musical as ever."

"He called us mad," said Gollum softly. "Which is it, my precious? He cannot blame the hobbits for what we do, and also say we are mad, and twisted, and the only one. Ask Sam if the hobbits want to be known for what the Gollum creature says and does. You will hear musical speech of hobbits then, o yes!"

Author's NoteI think Sam would only need one facial expression to convey what he thought of that. Maybe a gesture.

"Ah yes. Samwise Gamgee. The gardener."

"You do not like him?" Gollum asked. He was sensitive to the sound of distaste.

"Is he a friend of yours?"

"No," said Gollum. "I do not like him at all, because he is better than I am and he makes me feel filthy. Why would the big Man not like him? It cannot be for the same reason."

"He indeed did not have much to say about you that was favorable."

Author's Note...Why would Sam be talking to Denethor at all? So many reasons to cut this.

"Sss, sss, my precious, he must be curious about us if he is gossipping about us as well as sneaking about to see us. And yet-" He cocked his head. "We have not heard of him."

"I am surprised that you are so certain you've not heard of me," said the Man. "You cannot tell one man from another and you cannot pronounce most of our names. Did Boromir not introduce himself as the son of Denethor before he started having his fireside chats with you?"

"The fire was not lit," said Gollum. "I do not like fire."

"Boromir has charmed you, I hear. And you, him. He has a weakness for halflings. Perhaps they led him astray with their leaf, as they did with Mithrandir." Gollum had no idea what that meant. "I do not see much use in their counsel. I do not understand why my son has taken such pity on you that he pretends you have anything worthwhile to say about orcs, when he is an experienced general of Gondor."

Gollum stretched in a slow and deliberate manner, and curled up in his chair with his flat feet underneath his body and his sharp chin on his knees. He stared silently at Denethor (for it was he). He felt as if Denethor was looking into his heart.

It is pretty, is it not? It is even prettier than our face! Look at it as much as you wants.

Denethor seemed to be waiting for him to speak. Gollum said nothing. After a few minutes elapsed, he turned aside and resumed his doodling of fish-scales as if Denethor was not there.

Denethor stood there like a statue.

It is likely that Gollum would have crumbled eventually- although he was very distracted by his drawing- but Maeron came in with a pitcher of water.

Maeron's entrance happens the same way it did in the posted version, so we'll skip past it.

Gollum stuck his whole head into the pitcher. He felt so wretchedly dry. He withdrew his head and went back to the table, dripping.

A hideous pressure lay on his heart. Denethor was surely looking into him. His gaze was almost as bad as the Eye.

Gollum whirled to him, baring his teeth. I closed the Eye, he thought. I can close yours, too, if you wish you was dead. I can see in the dark and you can't.

Author's NoteWay too edgy. That sucks.

"You closed the Eye?" Denethor asked. "I had heard it was Frodo Baggins."

"It was," Gollum said curtly.

"If your hand cast the Ring into the fire, how can someone else have destroyed it?"

Gollum blinked back at him. I have never heard anyone so stupid, he thought. He is so stupid that probably he is not really being stupid at all, but he is poking at us to see what we does and how much we will listen to. "Will you tell us, then, that it was not the Master who destroyed it? It would be very foolish of you to say so. When His armies marched, they did not say it was not His work, because everyone knows, everyone, that orcs have not enough will of their own to do very much," and he turned aside.

Again they lapsed into the silent game. A knock on the door eventually ended it.

"Come in, come in," said Gollum. The door opened and he began to babble: "We has a visitor already-" this was intended to be the beginning of a passive aggressive monologue about how Gollum had so many friends suddenly, friends he'd never met and hadn't invited, but it died in his throat with a gollum, gollum! because his new visitor was Faramir.

Author's NoteWait, what? It's Faramir? I don't remember this.

Feeling repentant for things he had not yet done (as well as millions of things that he had), Gollum bowed his head to him.

"Wretched cur!" Denethor thundered. "Even you will show your fealty to him but not to me?"

Gollum nearly jumped out of his skin. He had no fealty to anyone but Frodo! He was simply terrified of Faramir in a way that he was not terrified of Denethor- but he did not like loud noises, so the older Man was fast making up for lost time. Denethor would have done a much better job of intimidating Gollum if he had come into the room banging pots and pans instead of trying to play mind games.

"Father," said Faramir in a soft voice, "what has the creature done that you rebuke him?"

"Nothing, nothing," Gollum babbled. "We've done nothing."

"He says he's done nothing," Denethor said. "If the tales I hear of him are to be believed there is nothing he has not done. I have heard the most shocking horrors of predation, treachery, deceit, murder; and yet he is treated better than I am."

"I assure you he is not."

"He is permitted to range the city, but not so Denethor, son of Ecthelion."

Faramir did not answer, at least, not verbally. Gollum had the sense that this argument had been had already, and he did not care to know what it was or to see it again.

"I ask you to kindly depart from here with me, Father," Faramir said in the end.

"I have business yet with this creature," said Denethor.

"You don't," said Gollum in a quavering voice. "You said you don't. Gollum, gollum! You told us you just wanted a look at us. You told us, and then you wouldn't leave, gollum. I told you to go away and you wouldn't."

"Others are searching for you," said Faramir as if Gollum had not spoken.

Denethor sneered. "My jailors."

"Your healers. They will find you here if you do not come away with me, and I wish to save you that embarrassment."

"Is there any reason why I cannot be here?" Denethor asked. "Your brother has found profit in counsels held in this charming bower, I am told."

"He is asking us about the master," Gollum cried. "Asking not nice things. Make him go away!"

Other people entered the room, strangers, and an eruption of chaos began.

Author's NoteYeah I don't remember this either. This is a mess

Gollum hid under the bed, and when the argument plagued his ears there, he went out the window. He found a nearby open window and slipped into it. A woman was there, cleaning the floor. She was affrighted to see Gollum.

"O, go back to your scrubbing, we won't do anything," he said. "There is a nice little tea-party happening where we was and we wasn't invited and we do not wish to be. Sméagol's poor head is ringing like a gong, he will stay here and be quiet," and, without giving the woman the opportunity to tell him she would prefer he not stay and be quiet, he crawled under the bed to avoid the light of her lamp. Once there he somehow managed to fall alseep, and was woken by the poking of a broom handle, which put him out of temper; but he consented to quietly go back to his room, as that was where he wanted to be.

He found it vacant but for Gandalf, sitting at the table.

"So it is Mithrandir," said Gollum, "or whatever they calls you these days."

"A pleasanter name for me than many that have passed your lips, I am sure," said Gandalf.

"I am happy to call him what he likes, as he has done so for us."

"Gandalf will do, it is plainly easier on your tongue."

"Gandalf it does? Then Gandalf it is! And what does Gandalf want from us? He does not turn up for no reason."

"I hear you were speaking with Lord Denethor, whom I have had the pleasure of being well acquainted with. You were not terribly polite to him."

"No, we wasn't," said Gollum. He climbed up onto the bed and curled up on top of the covers. "He was not very polite to us, either, eh?"

"He was not, I hear," said Gandalf. "You will not be punished, as, I judge from your demeanor, you have already guessed. It is my opinion that anyone who knows what you are and has been told not to see you and insists upon seeing you anyway has earned the privilege of hearing whatever you may take it into your head to say to him. But personally I am disappointed in you."

"Disappointed?"

"Very," said Gandalf.

Gollum surprised himself by starting to cry.

"If it is any consolation to you, I am also very disappointed in Denethor," said Gandalf.

Author's NoteThis project is teaching me in a new and visceral way about the power of editing. 'I'm disappointed in you' 'You are?' 'You should have been ruder' was 100% funnier and had a way more natural flow.

"Is that why he said Baggins cannot come see us?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"He told the old Man who sits out there," said Gollum, with a trace of his old snarl. "Told him to tell us Baggins is being kept away, gollum."

"I did not tell him to tell you that Bilbo is being kept away," said Gandalf. "I told him to turn away a hobbit of Bilbo's description, and, as I was annoyed at the moment, I belive I may have said 'and you can tell him I said so', which referred to Bilbo. I deduce that, if you are understanding what he said correctly, the guard thought I meant that as an instruction, and that he should tell you. I am at a loss as to why he thought so. I am also at a loss as to why it seems to surprise you that I did not want Bilbo coming here."

Gollum muttered to himself a moment and said: "It is not a surprise, no. We was only surprised when we thought wizard wanted us to know about it, we thought he was twitting us."

"A simple misunderstanding. You said, Sméagol, that Denethor asked you about Frodo Baggins."

"Yes!" Gollum leaned forward. "He did, he asked about him, he said- If your hand cast the Ring into the fire, how can someone else have destroyed it?"

Gandalf's bushy eyebrows rose (without realizing it, Gollum, in his effort to recall exactly the words Denethor had used, had repeated them in a very odd fascimile of the lordly Man's refined accent).

"I see."

"He was not nice about the Master. Will Gandalf burn him? Scorch him? Fry him like Sam's taters, gollum, gollum!"

"No," said Gandalf.

"But he mustn't say such things about Master," said Gollum.

"Denethor can do no harm to Frodo by making such statements. He thinks he has come across a dirty secret, but if there is any secrecy involved it is to protect you, and not Frodo. Frodo is quite willing to say that you helped him. Did Denethor imply that anything had happened which was not true?"

"No, but he was nasty about it," Gollum fumed.

"Ah. Merely being nasty is not a crime that can be harshly punished, as you have had cause to find out."

"Master wears himself to the bone ending the War for him and all he can do is make little nasty remarks." Bite out his tongue for him, Gollum thought, and at the disapproval on Gandalf's face he wondered if he'd said it out loud.

"It is unfortunate," was all Gandalf would say. "I shall leave you now."

Gollum waved him away, still fuming.

___

The moral of the story is to edit your drafts.

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